new york

Mar. 7th, 2009 01:37 pm
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I'm leaving now for new york. I'm going to be late for the party (which starts at five! wtf?), but it's okay with me. I just wanna see people. I'm excited and a little scared to be venturing in alone... scared to be venturing in at all on some levels. But, mostly excited. It's funny that I am heading back down there in less than one week to hit the road with Toshi. Again, excited and scared. Excited and scared.

I just inseminated. That's two this cycle, once more on Monday, and I should know by the time I'm back from the tour if the little bastard lands this time. I looked at the sperm under the microscope. Since it's a stereomicroscope and not a compound microscope, I had to really strain to see them at all. They are like little wriggly flecks of dust, and I took some time to convince myself that it wasn't a trick of my eyeballs. It definitely was not, and my heart started racing when I was sure of it. There were THOUSANDS of them! In one drop! Amazing. Really amazing. I love science.

sperm

Feb. 16th, 2009 10:35 pm
charlz_lynn: (goddess tree)
I had a loooong weekend full of fun and adventure. I want to write all about it. I really want to write all about saturday, but first I need to just start a piece I will eventually write about saturday right this minute.

I am wondering how exactly it is that my life ended up as such that I would be in a public bathroom at Quincy Market, pants around my knees, spilling manjuice all over myself. How did the universe conspire this one, I wonder? How did everything line up so perfectly that, just before I started spilling jizz down my pants and all over the bathroom floor, a woman would walk in on me in the public bathroom at Quincy Market? And that a woman would also be in the next stall, both of them likely seeing this mystery fluid dripping all over the floor next to the toilet? It's pretty phenominal, really.




That's all for now, but... I needed you all to know, at least sort of, what happened. Horribly disappointing and wildly funny. So. There. Damnit.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I have been sleeping from roughly 4am to noon every day. Why? I don't know. I just can't get myself into bed, then I can't get myself out of bed. Even when I got up relatively early (relative to when i went to sleep) when I had a visitor and I was exhausted all day. That was a lot of fun, by the way. We kayaked in the rain and ate a lot and had a generally very relaxing time together -- after a weird and aggravating journey to the bank. (Yes, journey. Maybe someday I'll tell you about it. Probably not. Lord.)

So, this sleep thing. Jeesh. Read more if you wanna.  )
Okay. Wah wah wah.... now for some exciting things. My stepmom is starting some new treament and might pull through her liver cancer!! It's called Selective Internal Radiation Therapy (SIRT) and it's experimental on her because it's never been used for her type of cancer. It's usually for liver cancers that originate in the colon, I believe. Anyway, it's the most hopeful bit we've come across yet, and it's said to have NO SIDE EFFECTS. The chemo has been really devastating her body. So. Praying, or whatever.

Also exciting, the Brute is talking about coming for thanksgiving.... coming in the weekend before and staying until december 3rd - a couple days after my birthday. Woohoo!

Also very exciting and kind of related, I might be inseminating during that time. I got a hold of my potential sperm donor and started the negotiations. I might have the Brute do the inseminating. (!!!) More on that later. But I'll just say this: I could have an infant one year from now.

Longest update ever. Now I'm gonna go call the mechanic (find a mechanic) and clean some more. xo

Round one

May. 22nd, 2008 11:32 am
charlz_lynn: (Default)
Well. Last night on my way home I was thinking I'd come right home and post in here. Then, what do I write? I could be looking back at this next year after I've had a baby and being all sentimental about it, and then reading about what a boring lay that was. Well, it was, the most boring. And that's okay. He was very very sweet, and incredibly geeky. He's a statistician. Ha! My kid is going to be suuuuch a nerd. He only made a few comments along the lines of wishing I was sticking around, wishing I had a straight twin sister... Only a few soft kisses. I don't quite know what it is about men and me. Are they all like that? All with everyone?

I came home and talked to Tyler for a long time before building myself a fortress of pillows in my bed where I could easily reach the ceiling with my feet (it's a loft) while reading and playing on the internet. And I read this:

http://susiebright.blogs.com/susie_brights_journal_/2006/06/egg_sex.html

which was soooo great. I want as much information as I can get about sex and pregnancy. You know, I like sex a lot. And more often than not the sex  I have is really really rough. I imagine there will be changes in what I want, but also changes that need to be made to protect the baby? Any advice about this is totally welcome.
Maybe I should find out if I am pregnant first.

So. The donor and I talked about trying again on Friday. Tomorrow. I am not completely sure I want to do it, though. It would double my chances, right. I shot for last night which was a little early (girl swimmers are slower, i hear), and Friday might be more right on the mark. I have to decide by tonight, though. we'll see. I'm going to Seattle regardless, but I might just want to go do it with a hot bald guy. Decisions decisions. I really wish I could just know if it worked last night.

Alright. I skipped lab this morning,  So I'd better get to lecture on time.
Thanks again, everyone, for all your thoughts and energy.
xoxoxo
charlz_lynn: (goddess)
ohmygoddessohmygoddessohmygoddessohmygoddessohmygoddessohmygoddessohmygoddessohmygoddessohmygoddessohmygoddessohmygoddessohmygoddessohmygoddessohmygoddess!!!!

OH my god.

May. 20th, 2008 08:43 pm
charlz_lynn: (baby)
Friends, please send me a bit your love and support over the next few days. It's insemination time. I'm a little bit freaking out in about eight million ways. So, pretty please.. think of me.

I found a donor. We're gonna do it the "old fashioned way". The sperm bank really felt all wrong, so the  amazing financial support I received from some of you is going/went toward testing, hotel rooms, and gas. Thank you thank you thank you all so much.

xoxox
charlz_lynn: (Default)
                                                                        Sunday, May 11, 3:00PM
Phone  
Menu

Chowder:
Clam, or Hearty Vegan Stew
(Bottomless Bowl)

Salad:
All You Can Stuff Bar
(And we know that's a lot!)

Bread:
Of the Corn Variety

$10 suggested donation

Step off the high seas into the Seaman Cafe! We're raising funds for sperm to knock Charlz up, so bring a piece of art to donate, an empty tank, and any sailor songs you have stored in your noggin.
There will be games, an art auction, marshmallow-roasting competitions (weather depending), and a sailor-song sing-along.
We'd love to see you there. So...

Come! Eat! Drink! Be Maritimey!



Also, upon request, I've finally figured out this Virtual Chowder business (thanks notyourmomma!), and am trying real super hard to not feel funny about it:

Donate to the Insemination fund!
charlz_lynn: (pie)
I have had the most incredible day, but I have to start with my really difficult last night.


Okay, so, on to today.
I woke up late this morning, and had breakfast with my family. Bacon and eggs and scalloped potatoes out of a box that were deliciously trashy. Then my mom and I took her girlfriend's boat (that she built out of plywood) out on a pond. We paddled to an island where we were going to go camping (but didn't) and back again. It was perfect weather and I'm totally sun burnt.
Next i came home to my mix cd from the Brutal Stranger in the mail, and I laid in the hammock and listened to it. It was sunny. Perfect. Perfect perfect perfect.
Ali - my cousin Mike's girlfriend - and I went down to the pier to wait in line for the whalewatching boat so we could secure our place in the nose of the ship. I'm so glad we did, because this particular trip ended up being spectacular. We saw anywhere from 50-100 dolphins and from 36-45 humpback whales and 8 or 9 finback whales. The guy talking over the speakers kept saying that this is not what one expects when going on a whalewatch. We were so spoiled by them. A serious show. I feel high from it. There were times when I saw 6 spouts at once off in the distance ahead of us. It was beyond incredible. Here's a link to my myspace photos, cause I'm posting a lot on there and I haven't gotten around to getting myself anything like a flickr account yet.
Eek! I love the whales SO much!

I know it's silly, but go look!!

xoxox
charlz_lynn: (Default)
my donors.
  1. 091
  2. 340
  3. 3375
  4. 456
Eeeeeeee!!!!
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I just made and set into motion a really really big decision.

I'm going to inseminate at home, and Zelda is going to knock me up.

How did this happen? Well, let me tell you.
All along I've been feeling apprehensive about the sperm bank in Berkeley. They charge a LOT and even a registration fee. hey require that I see a doctor they approve of. But, they sell to single women and I thought they were the only one.
So, I posted this on craigslist yesterday:  


Of course, I got some answers from men willing to give me 'all the sperm' I need. "And it's fresh" one man told me. Thanks, buddy. BUT one woman wrote and said that she used NW cryobank in Spokane and they were great and she's a single lesbian. So I looked around.
They have inseminate at home options. No doctor registration. No information on your partners. Options for checking boxes that say 'single', the option to have them choose the donor. The website feels sweeter and more personal and not like a clinic. I called a midwife listed as someone who uses their specimens and she was really sweet - not taking new patients- and it was the first encounter I've had with a stranger who has been human about it. I introduced myself and said I was looking to get pregnant in the next two months and she said "Congratulations!"
She confirmed my feeling that I don't have to inseminate in a doctor's office even though I'm single. She made me feel so much better that, when I hung up, I started crying.
Then I called Zelda because what else would I do? She was the very first person I thought of to help me, and she was so amazing and excited and loving about it. I love her so much that now I'm crying again. I'm sooooo happy and relieved to have these things falling into place in a way that reels right and good and natural. I want my child to be conceived in a place of love and trust and calm, and they will be.
Shit I've gotta stop crying and study for my biology exam which is tomorrow.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
There are other options, and she's very adamant about checking into them. So, I just posted  this on craigslist:

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/bab/641087806.html

And, well... we'll see. I put it both under baby/kid stuff and items wanted.

Also, the date is very tentative, but I think May 11th - mother's day - I will be having a fund-raiser at my house. The Seaman Cafe. Fisherman themed. My name is Brandiy, afterall. And I am a slut.
On the menu: Clam Chowder or Corn Chowder. Lots of bread. And some vegetable...
All still very tentative.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
Potential Donor #1 is not an option.
I've been talking to him about testing all along, and he's been all for it.
He was tested yesterday for a whole barrage of things, he said. I just asked him about HIV and hep-c tests, and he said that the HIV is a blood test and he's not so into needles, so no. And then I said "yeah, but.... "   And he answered something along the lines of "look I wanna help but I'm just not doing needles."

And I don't want a fucking wimpy kid.

but seriously. I guess everyone needs their boundaries. And this means I don't have to gamble now.

I'm thinking, again, about having a fund raiser. Someone recently told me about these cafes that people do.... for raising funds. Sounds fun. I still feel weird about it, though.

Kay. Off to sleep I go.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I was up at 8 today. I planned on being up by 9, but I just *woke up*. Which has been happening lately. I think it's because I'm sleeping in rooms that are not pitch black when it's sunny outside.
So. I went to the grocery store while listening to last week's This American Life about testosterone, and now there's a pot roast in the crock pot. Fuck yeah. I'm busting out my calculus book. Yesterday's study group was not helpful, really. Too many people talking over each other, and you know I can't really handle that. I wish I could, really. But I can't.
Anyway. I have tea next to me. It's 9:30am. I'm listening to Billie Holiday. I leave for NC in 22 days. Next month I'm going to Provincetown to see my mumma. We're going to sell my bass and use the money for sperm. I'm shooting for first insemination in May. I'm going to move to Mass in the fall.
Crazy. Not crazy.
 

last night

Feb. 5th, 2008 06:59 pm
charlz_lynn: (Default)
i stayed up way way way too late last night kicking around on the internet.  Mostly looking at craigslist. At personals. Misc. romance and casual encounters. And thinking about how seriously easy it would be to just pull a one night stand and get knocked up.
I know, you don't need to say anything to that. I'm just fantasizing about how nice it would be if sperm were free.
I'm such a dyke that I have no sperm-totin individuals close enough to  me to ask for their sperm. I've thought about holding a fundraiser. sperm raiser. baby-juice-a-thon. If I were a performer of any sort, I might do it... But it seems wrong, somehow. 
So, I'm just going to be as healthy as I possibly can be, and track my fertility as well as I possibly can, and pray that I get knocked up on the first shot. Which I will purchase with next term's student loan check.
But in the mean time, I can fantasize about random dudes on craigslist.
It just seems unfair.
whine.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I haven't mentioned this in a while... though I walk through the world feeling like I'm shopping at every sperm-carrying individual I see. It's pretty much all I think about.
So, i looked at the craigslist thing: posted, checked it out, read a lot of personalized personal ads, basically. That's just not going to happen. Realistically, it's too risky. Way too risky. And to choose such a risky path for what will inevitably be one of the top ten most important decisions in my life. If not just the number one.
SO. Here's what I think I'm going to do. When we're in SF, I'm going to go to the sperm bank in Oakland. I'll check it out, talk to some people. See what it costs to be inseminated in the clinic. Actually sit down and look at prices of shipping vs. cost of flying down when I'm ovulating. And, most likely, that's what I'll end up doing. It sounds like with this particular bank it's a sale. That's it. Just an exchange of goods and services for money. NOT based on approval.
We'll see. I was thinking, maybe, I could get someone to go with me. Possibly Jones. Or possibly someone else with the same two first letters in her name? :) wink nudge.
Anywho. That's where I'm at with that.
Back to the books I go.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
okay. i have an inbox full of emails.
and i'm answering them with variations of this:

Hello.
I'm interested... Right now I'm just doing a kind of initial screening in my emails, but hopefully next week I'll start interviewing. Here's a picture of me. If you're still interested, please understand that I'll be interviewing a number of men... and that if I were to choose you it would be a pretty substantial time commitment once spring comes. You'd be on call for sex when I'm ovulating. (yeah, i know, i'm a little to-the-point.)
If you're up for it, we'll continue this conversation.
Thanks!
Charly

wow. this is so weird and interesting and i think the right route. if you wanna see my ad, got to www.portland.craigslist.org, women for men, and search sperm.
holy shit. i'm nervous.

pregnancy

Oct. 23rd, 2007 07:12 pm
charlz_lynn: (Default)
i'm looking at the OHSU sperm bank website, and it's hitting me for the first time that i'm going to have to be judged in order to get the sperm.
it's causing me to rethink some things.
shit shit shit.
this is such a huge decision.
some options i have:
---order it from a more queer-friendly, single-mom-friendly, working-class-friendly bank. they would have to ship it. and by ship i mean $hip. I'm wondering if the working-class-friendly sperm bank exists... but i know there are banks that aren't heterosexist.
---craigslist. this option would mean choosing a guy (interviews!). getting him tested. possibly paying him. and fucking him as many times as it takes. a lot of risk here, but it would cost less, and be so much less whitemaninwhitesuit action. the thing is i have no legal protection in this case, and someone else's emotions to deal with.
---try OHSU anyway, and possibly blow some money on the consultations and whatnot in order to be turned down.
---i honestly don't know what else.

i'm going to go put an ad on CL just to see
xo

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charlz_lynn

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