Sleep and downerism
Sep. 29th, 2008 12:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
charlz_lynnI have been sleeping from roughly 4am to noon every day. Why? I don't know. I just can't get myself into bed, then I can't get myself out of bed. Even when I got up relatively early (relative to when i went to sleep) when I had a visitor and I was exhausted all day. That was a lot of fun, by the way. We kayaked in the rain and ate a lot and had a generally very relaxing time together -- after a weird and aggravating journey to the bank. (Yes, journey. Maybe someday I'll tell you about it. Probably not. Lord.)
So, this sleep thing. It's aiding in my depression. I said I was going to win this fight with the depression, and it seems I am very slowly losing it. Not working, not going to school, and not having any friends around are three things that are just no good for me. Having a broken car is pushing all this even further. The car is going to a mechanic later -- we're going to tow it with my mom's car, should be very interesting. So maybe by the end of the week I will have a working vehicle again. That would mean I can drive to Providence on the weekends and see the people I was so excited to move here over. It would also mean I can get a little more serious in the job search, expand my area and actually go to places to drop resumes and applications. I know that's how it needs to be done, but I'm still terrified of riding my bike, especially along hwy 28 where all the shitty chain/mini-mall type stores are.
Enough of that. I've also been making a lot of really great food, and I can't complain about that. I love cooking. I love love love having a clean house (though it still smells in some places). I've been being very housewifely, putting baking soda in coffee filters to put in all the drawers and cupboards that smell in the kitchen. Canning and vacuuming and cleaning the filthy furniture. Planning our dinners for the week. Making my mom lunch. I love it all, and thank god the house is so large because I really have enough to do because of it, and it's stuff that I can call work so I don't beat myself up over taking the time to do it.
Okay. Wah wah wah.... now for some exciting things. My stepmom is starting some new treament and might pull through her liver cancer!! It's called Selective Internal Radiation Therapy (SIRT) and it's experimental on her because it's never been used for her type of cancer. It's usually for liver cancers that originate in the colon, I believe. Anyway, it's the most hopeful bit we've come across yet, and it's said to have NO SIDE EFFECTS. The chemo has been really devastating her body. So. Praying, or whatever.
Also exciting, the Brute is talking about coming for thanksgiving.... coming in the weekend before and staying until december 3rd - a couple days after my birthday. Woohoo!
Also very exciting and kind of related, I might be inseminating during that time. I got a hold of my potential sperm donor and started the negotiations. I might have the Brute do the inseminating. (!!!) More on that later. But I'll just say this: I could have an infant one year from now.
Longest update ever. Now I'm gonna go call the mechanic (find a mechanic) and clean some more. xo
So, this sleep thing. It's aiding in my depression. I said I was going to win this fight with the depression, and it seems I am very slowly losing it. Not working, not going to school, and not having any friends around are three things that are just no good for me. Having a broken car is pushing all this even further. The car is going to a mechanic later -- we're going to tow it with my mom's car, should be very interesting. So maybe by the end of the week I will have a working vehicle again. That would mean I can drive to Providence on the weekends and see the people I was so excited to move here over. It would also mean I can get a little more serious in the job search, expand my area and actually go to places to drop resumes and applications. I know that's how it needs to be done, but I'm still terrified of riding my bike, especially along hwy 28 where all the shitty chain/mini-mall type stores are.
Enough of that. I've also been making a lot of really great food, and I can't complain about that. I love cooking. I love love love having a clean house (though it still smells in some places). I've been being very housewifely, putting baking soda in coffee filters to put in all the drawers and cupboards that smell in the kitchen. Canning and vacuuming and cleaning the filthy furniture. Planning our dinners for the week. Making my mom lunch. I love it all, and thank god the house is so large because I really have enough to do because of it, and it's stuff that I can call work so I don't beat myself up over taking the time to do it.
Okay. Wah wah wah.... now for some exciting things. My stepmom is starting some new treament and might pull through her liver cancer!! It's called Selective Internal Radiation Therapy (SIRT) and it's experimental on her because it's never been used for her type of cancer. It's usually for liver cancers that originate in the colon, I believe. Anyway, it's the most hopeful bit we've come across yet, and it's said to have NO SIDE EFFECTS. The chemo has been really devastating her body. So. Praying, or whatever.
Also exciting, the Brute is talking about coming for thanksgiving.... coming in the weekend before and staying until december 3rd - a couple days after my birthday. Woohoo!
Also very exciting and kind of related, I might be inseminating during that time. I got a hold of my potential sperm donor and started the negotiations. I might have the Brute do the inseminating. (!!!) More on that later. But I'll just say this: I could have an infant one year from now.
Longest update ever. Now I'm gonna go call the mechanic (find a mechanic) and clean some more. xo
