Carsick

Do you ever go a while without posting and then it seems too overwhelming to try and catch up? Yeah, me too. So, I'm not really going to try and catch up much, because not that much has even happened. Everything is just very overwhelming...

I got a couple temp jobs. Two and a half days at one and one day at the other. The first was rolling "Alaska" tee shirts and putting them in "Alaska" hats and bundling them together with "Alaska" elastics. Oh boy! And the second was packing Bacon Salt and Baconnaise into boxes for shipping. Both were fine, and took up all of my energy for everything.

I am so tired! And I have been feeling pretty crappy most of the time. Last night I got a little worried because I was all dizzy and started getting a little clammy/sweaty while I was making dinner. Of course, the dizziness is normal, I just forgot. It has to do with all the extra blood in my body, my heart working harder. And Ive had a pretty wicked headache off and on for weeks for the same reason. Dull, but wicked. It is nothing compared to my migraine days, and I am thanking the universe for that.

This week the baby will start making fingernails. Next week, genitals. Holy shit. Every tiny thing is so very exciting to me. And to Mara, and my mumma.

I have been feeling very loved and supported by my Brute. She's really incredible, and has been dealing with my pukey, low-energy self very gently. I can't even say how much that means to me. Her graduation is coming up quick. So fucking exciting. June 21st, two days after her birthday. There is going to be a big ol' party and lots of people in town. I feel pretty damn lucky to be along for this part. She's the first person to graduate in her family, and it's happening on Father's Day. Whoa.

Well, we're going to go out car shopping now... for her. After I go pick up my first check from the temp agency... They called this morning and I turned down a little work. It was for today and I could not at all make myself think about getting up. I maybe should have gone, but my body would have been pretty mad.

This post is scattery. Ah well.

So I started that job today. And about an hour after I got home this afternoon, I quit.
It's a house cleaning gig. For a company, a small one. We clean like 3 or four houses a day, and write on our time cards what houses we cleaned, and the time we spent actually cleaning each house. Meaning, the time we are driving from one house to another is not paid. So, i spent 6 1/2 hours at work today, and will be getting paid for about 4 1/2. The time in the car is our 'break' time. Except for how we have to be in a van. Oh, and except for how WHO THE HELL TAKES A TWO HOUR BREAK IN A SIX HOUR WORK DAY? No one. That's who. Forgive my shouting.
So... I divided my pay for today (before taxes) by the amount of time I was actually at work, and I end up with about 7 dollars an hour (before taxes). No. Not okay. Then I called my boss and let her know that this is not going to work for me, and would she like me to finish out the week? I'm going to work Thursday and that's it.
There is so much more to say about the day....** The life one lives while cleaning other people's homes... But it will have to wait until after I find my glasses and eat the cheesy broccoli soup that I just made.
xo.

** I'd like to write about it for reals, but my computer is acting like I don't have Word. Anyone know about this? It's not even letting me open my word documents. Wtf.

This last weekend I took a spontaneous trip to NY for Toshi's birthday party and ohmyfuckinggod what a great thing it was. I couldn't have done it without my weekend sugar mama, and I'm gonna have to think up some nice present to make for her. It's so important to me, I'm realizing from living without it, to be around *my people*, feel cute and loved and to see the people I am full of so much love for. This isolation is really tough and tricky, and I need to find the means to get out of here often for the next few months that  live here.

About that. Few months may be innaccurate, because if I can come up with the money (AND the fetus, heh), I am going to leave in April. My mom and I had a conversation in which she said I should go when I want to go nad not feel bound by the lease. I feel bad leaving her here, but... I am losing my marbles, in case I haven't made that clear enough. And she said "I'm your mom, you're supposed to leave me."
She's always full of the gems.

So. What does that mean? It means I need some fucking money. I'm trying to get into a sleep study. One is 14 days and nights and pays around two grand, and another I just saw is more like 40 days and nights and pays over 9 grand. I wonder if I could do that while trying to get knocked up. I could keep secrets. It's tricky. I haven't heard back yet so I don't know the whole deal or process. I feel like I'm hustling, but regular work is not presenting itself. The census may still contact me, they said four to six weeks, and it hasn't been that long yet. But shit, there's just not work here. This is a first for me. I am also trying to sell my bass. I don't like this fact, but it is true,  I just don't play the thing any more. I've shipped it across the country three twice already, as well. I have had dreams of playing it again, but if it will finance my move.... Sigh. If you know anyone that wants to buy a nice bass for 2100 bucks....

It seems the perfect living situation has presented itself so I can live in Seattle and not with The Brute for the first few months - until Festival. Her good friend has a room to rent only until mid-July. For super cheap. And she's willing to take work trade, which might be re-tiling her bathroom. Fun!  We might actually get to live in the same town and date for a few months before settling down and cohabitating. Shit motherfucking yeah!

Did I mention I'm madly in love? Well. It's true.

I went and posted on craigslist last night, to try and find some work for this and next week. So Tyler and I are doing a quick job for a woman this week, and I'm meeting someone tonight to see about a more ongoing thing. The second is a home helper deal, once a week ironing shirts and cleaning out the fridge, I think for a man with MR, maybe..? We'll see how that works out tonight. But we definitely start that other job tomorrow. Thanks, craigslist!
AND I'm having a wrestling appointment with my regular... but he messed his hand up a few weeks ago, so we have to be really careful.
Good things. I feel a little cradled by the universe.