Carsick

In my dream last night a volcano erupted close to here. So close I was taking pictures of lava from a couple feet away to send to my mom. Casey and I were getting thai food when it happened and then she was gone. Suddenly all these people, including me, were being expected to fight... or something. Like a draft with no training, just expectations. (Though there were no authority figures really around.) Just fatigues and drills and other army-type stuff. People rushing around everywhere. I was trying to hide in a closet with my three favorite boxes/suitcases. My sewing box, my toy suitcase, and another suitcase I've never seen that was beautiful. I hid them by the water heater and tucked myself in a closet that was suddenly very active. People were coming in and saying no way would that work -- other people my age who were supposed to be rallying -- the closet was too busy a place. I told them I'm 7 months pregnant, I can't be doing this shit. I cried. I hid.
I woke up to my phone ringing.

Now I have to go get my proof of pregnancy faxed to DHS (because my body's not proof enough) and then I'm picking up a dresser in SE for twenty bucks. I am so excited to finally move in. I'm still living out of boxes and suitcases and my nest is half-finished. I'm so incredibly unsettled that I want to cry when I talk about it. That's been very hard. I need to get some shelves, too... but it's impossible to spend anything on anything when I have no money at all. I keep getting down to three or four bucks before the next tiny bit of money comes from somewhere like the back pain study. It's unnerving. But at least I have health insurace (or I will as of tomorrow) and food stamps. Thank god. Or... Thank Oregon.

I'm going to start working again. Painting. On Saturday! It's just one little gig, but... Well, I went to the bank to deposit a little tiny check and asked for my balance. Right before I deposited the check, my balance was FIVE dollars, and I had no clue. I do have a chunk in my savings, but... I've spent a lot in the last week on healthier food and doctors and tinctures. It's necessary and I don't feel sorry for it. Just having a little money panic is not going to help my health right now, and I no income doesn't work for me.
So, little jobs here and there. I'm fortunate to have them. I'm painting a basement floor, for the guy I was working for in the fall, which will only be like fifty bucks. But I called him because I can work for him next term two days a week.
Then I'm also house sitting for a hundred this weekend/next week. I'm having dinner with the couple whose animals I'm watching tonight. That should be nice and relaxing aside from the amount of time it will take that I should be doing my project for tomorrow (note: I said doing, not working on... meaning: I haven't started yet).
Dinner with Jodi tomorrow. Painting Saturday, then relaxing in someone else's house and studying by myself. Sunday, relaxing and studying again. I'm going to try and treat the house sitting gig like a vacation (while still working at school things).

One last thing --- I want to point out, in order to congratulate myself, that I quit wheat and sugar four days before my period. When I would normally be eating a pint of ice cream a day.
Go me.

ok, well, that was me, blowing through my GINORMOUS financial aid check. but, it was my cost-of-living money, and I just lived a little cushier than I usually get to, and that's OKAY. I had about a million moments of, "I shouldn't, but I know I'll never get to be this frivolous once I get pregnant." So... I feel, truly, okay about it.now i just scramble a little. turn a wrestling trick. pick up oddjobs on craigslist, i hope. back in the saddle, motherfuckers.

last night was good for me. I got to breathe fire at sossity's, at the scorpio-sag birthday party. then me and jonesy went dancing. all of that was after a lovely potluck at meadow's house. really, all good things. i think it's possible i'm beginning a little fun-flirty crush on a mostly-stranger.
i'm being bad right now, avoiding my calculus homework. I did start it, and it's well on its way, but there's this whole entire world in my computer screen.... shit.
Alright. back I go.
i hope everyone's still (at least) comfortably full and warm and happy.