charlz_lynn: (Default)
I have a rash on my forehead. And I am pretty sure it's shingles. WHAT THE FUCK?! Please please no god no.

I should of course also mention I am having a great time on the Cape with my mumma and my family and the date.


Jun. 7th, 2009 07:56 am
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I'm leaving. On the road for four days. Mumma! Amazing wonderful fun fun friends! Including some of YOU PEOPLE!! Road trip! Photo ops! Junk food and good snacks! Belly across America!
Damn, I need this bad.


Apr. 3rd, 2009 11:15 am
charlz_lynn: (Default)
Well, I did make I-80 choke. I am now a couple hundred miles onto 84, in Burley, Idaho. I'm starting a little slow today because I drove 16 hours yesterday. Over 1000 miles, barely. I am convinced that if I did not have to pee so much, I would have gotten to Mara's yesterday. Okay, maybe not, but damn! At least once every hundred miles, and usually twice!
The hotel I'm in had a waffle bar this morning. Woohoo!! And tonight m lover is making me Kale. !!!  Greeeeeeens!
Here are a couple more pictures. xoxox

Ok... 1. wind turbines in Iowa. 2. The Sod House Museum, which was closed. 3. BUffalo Bill, apparently.
4. The sign just before this one said "Friend -- Exit 369".Sadly I did not get a picture of that. 5. Buffalo Bill Museum. I won the roar down.

charlz_lynn: (Default)
I sent in my application and fee for a space at the PRFM this June 6th in Seattle. I need to get on the craft horse and try to sell some shit! I have a couple monkeys, of course, and some painted animals. I think I will also make some embroidered patches. It was only 25 bucks for a spot, and it goes to pay for the space and then to benefit the Low Income Housing Institute. Awesome. I'm so excited!! I'm so excited to live in a place where things like this happen.
I'm so excited about my life!!

Tomorrow I am heading out super early. The plan is to miss Boston traffic in the morning. I feel much more ready today and much better about the weather. Everything fit beautifully in my car -- thanks to Crash! The bikes are strapped on, the topper is rigged up there, and I only have one blanket, some sheets, road food, and my purse to fit in there now. I can see out the back and my blind spot! Can you tell I am feeling proud of this? Well, Mirabelle and her evil cousin are happy, too. See?

charlz_lynn: (hedgehog)
I just decided to leave tomorrow instead of today. It seems crazy, weather-wise. There's all sorts of shit going on in the middle of the country, and one storm in particular that I think I will miss by leaving tomorrow. There are also a lot of things for me to do around here, and if I go tomorrow I can do  that and that alone. Go. Nothing else. Pack the last little shit, go to the post office, the bank, the thrift store... all today. And wake up early enough to miss Boston traffic tomorrow. I hope this is the right decision, and I feel it is in my gut.
Lately I am trying to be more instinctual. It seems to be working, except for about food, because right now I don't have the instinct to eat anything... I'm queasy all the time when I eat. So. I have to ignore that one a little better than I have been, and just eat anyway. I'm not hungry at all, which I find unnerving. Except I am having these occasional protein fits. Like, I need a piece of meat NOW.
Another thing is yesterday my tits hurt SO BAD!! And it will only get worse, I know! Damn! There are veins showing up on them. Did you know that pregnant people produce four pounds of extra blood during pregnancy? Cool. I think that's fucking cool.

charlz_lynn: (hedgehog)
This is a whirlwind and it feels a little overwhelming thinking of putting it all here. I'll have a lot of down time tomorrow and will hopefully load some pictures off my camera and actually write a good, long post.

In the mean time, here is a little cryptic bit of something: I think, sometimes, I am way too hard on myself. On so many levels, about so many things regarding all types of relationships. I have to stop that.

And something less cryptic: By the pattern in my basal temperature this month, I am quite sure that I implanted yesterday. Now, pray for sticking-power.


Mar. 11th, 2009 06:34 pm
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I just packed at least half of my belongings into my trunk. It feels good, but I may have one full day left of taking care of little things, cleaning, and packing when I get back from the tour. I hope not, because I just want to get on the fucking road to the Brute!! I am, of course, having that semi-freakout. What if it doesn't all fit? What I have left are a number of large things. I think all my clothes will fit in the cargo bag crash sent, and then bedding, sewing machine, one plastic tub, one box in the backseat. I don't like not being sure, but I really won't be able to do the rest until I get back.
That is all. Mostly, I feel great having a bunch of stuff carried down and packed neatly and tightly into my trunk.
Just keep breathing.

new york

Mar. 7th, 2009 01:37 pm
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I'm leaving now for new york. I'm going to be late for the party (which starts at five! wtf?), but it's okay with me. I just wanna see people. I'm excited and a little scared to be venturing in alone... scared to be venturing in at all on some levels. But, mostly excited. It's funny that I am heading back down there in less than one week to hit the road with Toshi. Again, excited and scared. Excited and scared.

I just inseminated. That's two this cycle, once more on Monday, and I should know by the time I'm back from the tour if the little bastard lands this time. I looked at the sperm under the microscope. Since it's a stereomicroscope and not a compound microscope, I had to really strain to see them at all. They are like little wriggly flecks of dust, and I took some time to convince myself that it wasn't a trick of my eyeballs. It definitely was not, and my heart started racing when I was sure of it. There were THOUSANDS of them! In one drop! Amazing. Really amazing. I love science.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I'm not leaving for Seattle next Wednesday... because Toshi asked me to be her road manager on her tour with Ani Difranco through the south!! So, instead I am leaving next Thursday for New York, then Friday for Asheville!! These are the dates and where I will be:

3/14 Orange Peel Asheville, NC
3/15 Trustees Theater Savannah, Ga
3/17 Florida theater, Jacksonvoll, Fl
3/18 Club Cinema Pompano, Fl
3/20 Tampa Theater  Tampa, Fl
3/21 Variety Playhouse, Atlanta Ga.
3/22nd The Moon Tallahassee, Fl
3/24th Saenger Theater, Mobile Al.
3/25 House of Blues, NOLA

Do you see that last one? Hmm??? NOLA!!! We're going to spend an extra day there after the tour, and I want to see you if you are there!

I'm very excited about all this. Sad that I will not see my Brute for an additional two weeks, but happy that I will be having a really fun adventure and making a little chunk of change. I'm so thrilled.



Mar. 2nd, 2009 09:08 pm
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I have been emailing with lv for a bit now. So, looks like I am going for put-in (the week before belly button) and then leading the belly button. It's exciting! I like being trusted with more responsibility. I wonder who will be the new me? 

So, this also means I am going to be arriving on July 5th. Which may be a little nuts, but I am so glad for it. I need to go home. It will be strange leaving Seattle so soon, but Mara is going on a huge road trip anyway and won't be home. My family is having a huge triple-threat family reunion in Flint on July 11th that I worked out with LV to go to. I'll rent a car or something. They've combined my grandmother's and grandfather's families, plus another family about whom I have no idea.

Right now my girlfriend is on a cruise. Which means she has no phone access for a week! What will I do with myself? I'm so excited for her in her life right now. There's some huge shit going on and I feel lucky lucky lucky to along for the ride. This cruise -- which was a gift from a friend -- is kinda like the kickoff to a lot of great things. I can't even imagine what it is like... all those bulldaggers on a boat in the carribean? Whoa. Anyway... This feels like a truly exciting time.  For her and for me and for us. I'm a geek. I'm geeking out.

I think...

Feb. 25th, 2009 10:43 pm
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I think I will try and leave two weeks from today. On Wednesday the 11th. Holy shit.

I feel like I could throw everything in my car tomorrow and be on my way. But, i have a few things to take care of first. My glasses need to come. My title needs to come. I have one more shot with my donor, so, the donor needs to come. The bass will sell hopefully tomorrow, then the check needs to come. I have to get paid and get a good, thorough checkup of my car. And I guess I'd better finish getting the emissions stuff taken care of. It's been a tiny nightmare, and it ain't over like I expected it would be today.

Of course there are a few social things I'd like to take care of first, too. Goodbyes and stuff. Dinner with a friend on Friday and a visitor this weekend that I'm very excited about. And then next weekend, hopefully all the Providence gals will come and let me cook them dinner.

The thing is, I'm mainly packed. All my papers have been gone through, books are packed, loose photos and school paperwork... there are the last clothes and some odd boxes in the basement... My things are ready and it's just making me more antsy.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I really am posting a lot today again. I feel okay about it.

So, this one is to say: If you live near I-90, and would like a visitor for a night in mid-March, let me know. I plan on leaving here around the 14th or 15th. This will be my first time doing this drive alone, and it would be great to break the monotony of the road with friends. So far I have a stop in Chicago but probably not an overnight. Mostly I'll be staying in hotels, which is pretty exciting to me.

Hell Yeah.

Feb. 20th, 2009 05:11 pm
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I just packed 3 garbage bags with clothing to go to the thrift. And one small bag of clothing to give to G and D. And I packed about 2/3 of the remainder of my clothing for the move. SHIT YEAH!! I feel super accomplished. Tomorrow I will empty out milk crates from the basement and start packing my books. I am feeling alternately hopeful and doubtful about everything fitting into and on top of my car.

Ah yes, my car. Umn... I got pulled over again the other day, on my way to try and sell my bass. I have a rejection sticker on my car from emissions testing. Well, I was thinking Surely I have some time to take care of this.... Maybe it can even just slide until I leave. Well, as it turns out, the particular rejection sticker I have means "Do Not Drive This Vehicle". It sure would have been nice of that asshole that inspected my car to say "Hey, this sticker means you cannot Drive This Vehicle," after his earlier "It's going to fail, honey," which was right after I told him it was going to fail because my check engine light was on. Yeah dude, that is exactly what I just said. Fucking prick.
Sooo.... I got pulled over, in Newburyport, MA. By a big ole bear of a guy. With my bass in the front seat and my mom in the back. He was very nice and gave me a written warning only. He said, as I was getting my bass out, "I'll just give you a warning unless you're a murderer or something." He very easly could have impounded her again.
So we dropped Millicent off at an emissions repair guy that evening. That was Wednesday. Now it is Friday, after five, and they told me it will not be done until Monday. Yeah. My car is in the shop all weekend. Fortunately, I have my mom's car. But, way annoying. And way hundreds of dollars I was not planning on spending. Shit.
charlz_lynn: (baby)

I am planning on leaving in about three weeks. Tonight I packed up my most important things... My precious moments baby fork from my dad, my carved Zulu King and my boot knife from my mom, my "I'm just a Raggedy Ann" and "Deep Lez" plaques... the bull horn, and pirate flag, and all the little piles of rocks off my dresser... The kangaroo cutout in the chunk of metal, old farm equipment pieces from an old lover... Those are the things on display in my bedroom, wherever I am. Most of them even grace my tent. Now they're in a suitcase, waiting for a new bedroom.
And now I feel like I'm in a suitcase waiting for a new bedroom.


Feb. 2nd, 2009 01:40 pm
charlz_lynn: (Default)
This last weekend I took a spontaneous trip to NY for Toshi's birthday party and ohmyfuckinggod what a great thing it was. I couldn't have done it without my weekend sugar mama, and I'm gonna have to think up some nice present to make for her. It's so important to me, I'm realizing from living without it, to be around *my people*, feel cute and loved and to see the people I am full of so much love for. This isolation is really tough and tricky, and I need to find the means to get out of here often for the next few months that  live here.

About that. Few months may be innaccurate, because if I can come up with the money (AND the fetus, heh), I am going to leave in April. My mom and I had a conversation in which she said I should go when I want to go nad not feel bound by the lease. I feel bad leaving her here, but... I am losing my marbles, in case I haven't made that clear enough. And she said "I'm your mom, you're supposed to leave me."
She's always full of the gems.

So. What does that mean? It means I need some fucking money. I'm trying to get into a sleep study. One is 14 days and nights and pays around two grand, and another I just saw is more like 40 days and nights and pays over 9 grand. I wonder if I could do that while trying to get knocked up. I could keep secrets. It's tricky. I haven't heard back yet so I don't know the whole deal or process. I feel like I'm hustling, but regular work is not presenting itself. The census may still contact me, they said four to six weeks, and it hasn't been that long yet. But shit, there's just not work here. This is a first for me. I am also trying to sell my bass. I don't like this fact, but it is true,  I just don't play the thing any more. I've shipped it across the country three twice already, as well. I have had dreams of playing it again, but if it will finance my move.... Sigh. If you know anyone that wants to buy a nice bass for 2100 bucks....

It seems the perfect living situation has presented itself so I can live in Seattle and not with The Brute for the first few months - until Festival. Her good friend has a room to rent only until mid-July. For super cheap. And she's willing to take work trade, which might be re-tiling her bathroom. Fun!  We might actually get to live in the same town and date for a few months before settling down and cohabitating. Shit motherfucking yeah!

Did I mention I'm madly in love? Well. It's true.

charlz_lynn: (pie)
I have now met the Brute's entire family -- minus one brother and his clan. And a whole bunch of her very important friends, too. Including her friend who is ten years old, with whom I am in serious friend love. I can't wait to spend more time with her -- the ten year old. I was more nervous meeting her than I was to meet the whole family (which happened the day after i arrived), because it's kinda like who gives a fuck if the family doesn't like me. Well, B, the friend, did like me, and I liked her, and we had a super super fun time that included going to Toys R Us and riding around the store on bikes and playing monkey in the middle. Sooooo good.

This whole trip has been a kind of whirlwind of social activity, and it's almost all been really good. The Brute's family was really sweet to me, and all the friends have been really sweet, too. It's nice to see that my girlfriend is surrounded by a crowd of amazing, kind, loving, fun, friendly people. And... a huge bonus for me... They seem to like me, too!

I have to admit that I don't ever want to leave. I want to just stay here and start our fucking life together right now. No waiting until June. No going back to my car that is sitting in Carlita's driveway on top of a huge sheet if ice. No lonely beautiful house where I spend too much time alone and cold. No electronic relationship. But I need to be happy with what i have while I have it. I get to see my mom almost every day and that is great. I get to cook nice food all the time, and I plan on making more efforts to see my friends in Providence. There's a potential new local date. I am going to be pregnant soon. I will spend more time crafting, and figuring out my sewing machine. And, most importantly, I am going to start working soon, whether for the census or something, anything else.

It's just fucking hard to think about leaving this temporary-but-soon-to-be-permanent life where I am blissed out for the one where I am not quite happy.

Oh, and one last thing... we went bowling today with d and g and it was a motherfucking blast.


Jan. 8th, 2009 02:17 am
charlz_lynn: (hedgehog)
i just finished watching season one of Heroes. Pretty good, and now it's hard to not move right on to season two. I must not, because it took less than a week to watch season one. Which means it took way too much of my time. I'm really into stepping into fantasy lands right now. I read the first two Eragon books in NC, and I just bought the third. The writing is not that great but the story really grabbed me. Straying into the lives of characters with super powers is filling some need I have right now, though I don't quite know what it is.

On another note, I feel like shit a little bit. Sore throat, trying not to cough cause coughing hurts in my lungs. My energy feels okay. I'm all packed for Seattle. God damn. I'm so ready to be in bed with my Brute. Or in a car with her. Or a hotel. Or a park. Or a fast food restaurant, even, hell.  Carlita's gonna give me a ride to airport at 4:45am Friday. Shit yeah. 12:50 I'll be in Seattle. Then we have the whole day plus two weeks. I feel like the luckiest girl alive.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
Portland to Seattle.
Seattle to Provincetown.
Provincetown to Martha's vineyard.
Martha's Vineyard to Provincetown.
Provincetown to Erie, PA.
In one week.

And tomorrow.
Erie to Toledo to Flint.
Sunday: Flint to Walhalla.

I'm B - E - A - T .
But god damn, I've had a great time. More photos to come, but for now, I give you Merv and Cheryl, of New Jersey...

0 days

Jun. 25th, 2008 09:18 am
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I leave today.

I was up all night thinking about many many things, but foremost... I don't really know where I'm going. Growing up at Festival has had eight million positive effects on my life. All the people I would not have been influenced by if I hadn't gone have changed my life in ways I can only imagine. If I hadn't grown up there, I might still be in Toledo Ohio. Maybe I'd be a housewife. Maybe an electrician. Maybe I'd be in the Army. Maybe I'd have overdosed on drugs in high school..... Who knows. And maybe this negative effect of festival would still exist to: I don't know where Home is. Well, I do, for 6 weeks of the year. But now, here I am, leaving another town, having not stayed anywhere more than 9 months in the last two years, and I'm going to the East coast, sure, but where?

My mom was offered a job in Fall River, RI - near Providence - yesterday, so she might move off the cape. And I'm following her around now. I don't feel like I'm leaving Portland to move Home. I feel like I'm being shot off into space and could land anywhere. What if I was offered some incredible job while at Michigan, an offer to go somewhere completely unexpected where I could still have my baby?

It's dangerous for everything I own to be in my car. So dangerous.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
My things are almost all packed. I have a billion and one packages labeled "MICH" and "NO MICH" and I don't know how many of them will have to be shipped. I am washing and packing my car tomorrow. And I leave Wednesday. Holy crap. Today was the day of packing little things and sorting papers, and what I have left is essentially a huge unorganized plastic tub of "MICH" things I need to actually pack. Everything else is done - except bedding, washing and packing. Even my road clothes are packed.

I have a sick love of seeing how much space everything I own takes up when it is packed and in one place. I have very few things anywhere else on the Earth... just at my mom's, including my things that g finally sent (she even sent a text asking if they arrived - the most care she's shown me in almost a year). I like my things. I like the way I pack them and I love getting rid of large portions of them. This feels good... Tonight I stopped in front of my house and looked up at the stars for a minute. I thought to myself, In one week, the stars are going to be completely different. Then again a week after that. A week from now I'll be smelling the ocean, and a birch forest. The the next I'll be smelling Home. Maybe even smell that thunderstorm coming that I'm looking forward to.

So. The Brute was just here for a day. We went to Enchanted Forest, which is CRAZY.  Behind the cut are some real gems from our trip. Dude. I may have never laughed so hard in all my life. The day began with a woman in the bathroom giving us both the stinkeye while we washed our hands on either side of her before leaving without drying her hands. She looked like a total gay, probably didn't want to be seen with us cause she might be found out. And the day ended with three dead baby mice in the moat. The farmer's wife totally did, and you all know it.   


charlz_lynn: (Default)

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