charlz_lynn | awful nightmares

last night i had the worst nightmare i've ever had. i kept waking up, but going back to sleep because i needed to find my family- my blood family, not my mich-family. there was a war, or something. we were being attacked, and people i love kept blowing up right in front of me. i could FEEL what happened, I could feel the tiny bullets in my hand when i took a small gun from somebody to use on other people, and i couldfeel the wind and everything else rush past me when my cousin was hit with a bazooka about two feet from me. and afterward i kept stepping over people with their legs not attached and lying next to them. people i love. my family. people from a long time ago. and no michigan people at all.
it was awful. the dream ended in finding my grandpa in this auditorium. i knew he was there because someone told me, giggling, that he was curled up in there saying "no.no.no.no.no" and rocking back and forth. they thought it was funny. i never found my grandma.
what the fuck does all this mean, i wonder?
i feel fucked up from it.

and now i'm doing homework. i'm going to write a paper about my mom.... it's almost too obvious, but sometimes it just makes sense to use your resources.

xo.