awful nightmares

[charlz_lynn]

last night i had the worst nightmare i've ever had. i kept waking up, but going back to sleep because i needed to find my family- my blood family, not my mich-family. there was a war, or something. we were being attacked, and people i love kept blowing up right in front of me. i could FEEL what happened, I could feel the tiny bullets in my hand when i took a small gun from somebody to use on other people, and i couldfeel the wind and everything else rush past me when my cousin was hit with a bazooka about two feet from me. and afterward i kept stepping over people with their legs not attached and lying next to them. people i love. my family. people from a long time ago. and no michigan people at all.
it was awful. the dream ended in finding my grandpa in this auditorium. i knew he was there because someone told me, giggling, that he was curled up in there saying "no.no.no.no.no" and rocking back and forth. they thought it was funny. i never found my grandma.
what the fuck does all this mean, i wonder?
i feel fucked up from it.

and now i'm doing homework. i'm going to write a paper about my mom.... it's almost too obvious, but sometimes it just makes sense to use your resources.

xo.

Comments

[gypsyecks.livejournal.com]

sometimes when i've got a lot of stuff that I haven't been able to get to (fear, anxiety, guilt) working through my psyche, it pushes itself out in this kind of dream. And it's scary and it sucks.

Hope you're feeling ok.

ecks oh
m

[charlz-lynn.livejournal.com]

thanks m... that's definitely something to chew on.
xo.

[mightyjo.livejournal.com]

BIG hug for you, sweetie...

[charlz-lynn.livejournal.com]

thanks jo. big love for you.