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charlz_lynni'm more conflicted now than i've ever been in my life. i've never been this excited and crushed at the same time over a possibility. i guess i need some advice. i really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings because i was offered a shot at a position that may or may not have been offered to other people.
anyway, this is what's going on.
i got an email from lv yesterday about a position at the Walhalla house this summer. it would mean going there June 1st and working until long crew, at which point i'd switch to lace. it would mean making 300 a week and not having to spend any money at all. it would mean knowing a lot more about the festival than i'd ever know otherwise, and learning from a whole slew of dykes who are older than me, which you know i love. it would mean staying in a communal living space for over a month and a half and in a house that is nicer than anywhere i will probably ever live in my life. lakefront. hot tub. hard work. learning opportunities.
it would also mean that i'm not spending that month and a half in ptown with grover sbastian and my mumma. and i might not be making as much money as i would in ptown. and i might know TOO much about festival. and i'll be dangling between the lace/mainkitchen rivalry with ops. and i don't closely identify with anyone at the house.. which could be a good or bad thing.
and what would it mean if i'm offered the position, i take it,and i'm not good enough for it, or a good fit with the house??? this kept me up all night in bed close to panic. i mean, if i take the position, i'll probably be expected to continue doing that job for years and years. it will completely change my experience of the festival, and i love the experience i have right now. and while i've always had this little dream of being more involved in the back of my head, it's terrifying now that there is a glimmer of hope for that dream to come true.
On top of all that... my decision to just jump on the phone and have an interview with lv without talking to grover first was a really hurtful one to make. i, for some reason, was thinking july first; that i'd only be missing out on 4 or 5 days of ptown. of my mumma. of grover. i didn't realize... or think about how this really seriously affects her and that was really really self-centered and fucked up. i just didn't stop long enough to think about it or even breathe. fuck. i just don't know. i'm going back to panic now, and i really need to be doing homework.
any advice? opinions? anything?
anyway, this is what's going on.
i got an email from lv yesterday about a position at the Walhalla house this summer. it would mean going there June 1st and working until long crew, at which point i'd switch to lace. it would mean making 300 a week and not having to spend any money at all. it would mean knowing a lot more about the festival than i'd ever know otherwise, and learning from a whole slew of dykes who are older than me, which you know i love. it would mean staying in a communal living space for over a month and a half and in a house that is nicer than anywhere i will probably ever live in my life. lakefront. hot tub. hard work. learning opportunities.
it would also mean that i'm not spending that month and a half in ptown with grover sbastian and my mumma. and i might not be making as much money as i would in ptown. and i might know TOO much about festival. and i'll be dangling between the lace/mainkitchen rivalry with ops. and i don't closely identify with anyone at the house.. which could be a good or bad thing.
and what would it mean if i'm offered the position, i take it,and i'm not good enough for it, or a good fit with the house??? this kept me up all night in bed close to panic. i mean, if i take the position, i'll probably be expected to continue doing that job for years and years. it will completely change my experience of the festival, and i love the experience i have right now. and while i've always had this little dream of being more involved in the back of my head, it's terrifying now that there is a glimmer of hope for that dream to come true.
On top of all that... my decision to just jump on the phone and have an interview with lv without talking to grover first was a really hurtful one to make. i, for some reason, was thinking july first; that i'd only be missing out on 4 or 5 days of ptown. of my mumma. of grover. i didn't realize... or think about how this really seriously affects her and that was really really self-centered and fucked up. i just didn't stop long enough to think about it or even breathe. fuck. i just don't know. i'm going back to panic now, and i really need to be doing homework.
any advice? opinions? anything?
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my only advice...
Date: 2006-02-24 11:32 pm (UTC)& that you should hang out with wyatt (a lot) before you leave.
congrats on the offer sugar!
Re: my only advice...
Date: 2006-02-25 04:42 am (UTC)Re: my only advice...
Date: 2006-02-26 03:40 am (UTC)see you at cupcake?? i sure do hope so.
we can talk about when we can hang out then!
no subject
Date: 2006-02-25 12:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-25 04:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-25 12:55 am (UTC)my thoughts? take the house job - because it's a special opportunity and you will learn a lot (some good, some maybe you'll wish you hadn't). i think that you will be a fabulous walhalla house staff member, an excellent addition to the hardworking crew. you're a hard worker, you can't mess that up, plus I think you're very good at being diplomatic and yet never a doormat - so you've got a good shot at managing the interpersonal stuff too.
trust that g. will be able to understand why you just jumped right into talking with lv about it, she must know how honouring it is to be asked.
best of luck making your choice.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-25 04:40 am (UTC)i am leaning more toward taking it if it's offered. i just didn't expect the opportunity to come up. especially not this soon.
they may not even offer it to me... i guess we'll see.
thanks again.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-27 05:24 pm (UTC)