pissed.

I am so mad right now.
I've been calling and emailing out for those sleep studies. I finally reached someone just now and she took my information. My email address. Phone number. Age. Height and weight.
I lied. Said I weighed 190 (I weigh more like 210 right now). She said I'm "outside" their "limitations", making me ineligible for the study.

My immediate response to this sucks. I should be mad at them for having limitations period. And then also for setting them so low. But instead I want to say "I'm only a size 14!" Or, if I actually weighed 190, I'd only be a size 12. I want to say "But no, I'm good enough." Like I should want to be thinner and by being thinner I would be better. FUCK THAT! And fuck them.

I said I wondered if it would be an issue, to which she said "Sorry," in what I can only interpret as an ultra-bitchy tone.

I cannot let this contribute to the body issues I've been having lately. Absolutely not.

Elizabeth Ziff

I got this from J. B. A. just a bit ago. Elizabeth Ziff has breast cancer (I had no idea), and is documenting her story. The vlog is here:

http://www.vimeo.com/3071006



Also, friends. I love you for your supportive words about my body shit. I didn't mention that i tried to donate eggs last year and they told me I couldn't because I'm "severely obese". This feels so much like that. But, hearing that I'm hot actually helps more than I would have thought. So, thanks. A lot. I mean it. I fucking love you people.