my cousin spencer

i love that boy so much. I got a 6-page letter from him today, front and back in his tiny tiny handwriting. He has so much love in his angry teenage heart. It breaks mine to know he is in a place with so little love. A couple letters ago he asked me if he could name his daughter after me, if he ever gets out and has a daughter and his wife or whatever is cool with it. You know.

well, there's that

Potential Donor #1 is not an option.
I've been talking to him about testing all along, and he's been all for it.
He was tested yesterday for a whole barrage of things, he said. I just asked him about HIV and hep-c tests, and he said that the HIV is a blood test and he's not so into needles, so no. And then I said "yeah, but.... "   And he answered something along the lines of "look I wanna help but I'm just not doing needles."

And I don't want a fucking wimpy kid.

but seriously. I guess everyone needs their boundaries. And this means I don't have to gamble now.

I'm thinking, again, about having a fund raiser. Someone recently told me about these cafes that people do.... for raising funds. Sounds fun. I still feel weird about it, though.

Kay. Off to sleep I go.

hormones

i just started bleeding. Of course, because i am house-sitting** and all my supplies for bleeding are at home.
Then I went online and ordered some ovulation tests and a fertility supplement, and I started crying after hitting the confirm order key because I'm feeling really emotional about the prospect of becoming a mother. I have never wanted anything this bad in my life. And I've wanted this thing so bad my whole life.
I was going to order from your friend's shoppe, sugarmommaless,  but they don't ship to the US. Bummer, cause I really wanted that cool spit-test thing.
Anyway. I also just ate an entire pint of cheap ice cream. And now I think I will don a facemask and take a bath. Which. it seems, is what I do best when I'm house-sitting. The cat I'm sitting is very very very sweet and there's no tv. Thank the goddess. I'm so tired of looking at tvs - even ones that are not turned on!

** Thanks, lovelikeyeast, for hooking that up!

-----edited because I forgot to mention: my period is almost a week early!! really bad timing for my cycle to become off!