one am?

how did that happen?
Tonight tyler and I made hot toddies in three thermoses and went to overlook park, where we met mike and then talked and talked and talked forever. I don't know if i've really mentioned how amazing it is to be moving within the same space as tyler. Honestly, I don't know if it's possible for me to write about. It's been a long time since I had a friend this close, with this much history. We can talk about anything at all, or nothing at all. I love cooking for her, and she loves washing the dishes afterward. Everything we do is fun. We laugh like stoners. We don't always agree on things, but always respect each others opinions.
Damn it's good to be co. Tomorrow we're going to watch top model with our morning coffee.
Generally, I've been feeling really blessed by my friends lately. For a minute I was feeling like I'd done a great job of isolating myself, kinda without meaning to. Now I think I'm coming out on the other end of that. I'm ready for dinners and movies and even bottles of wine......
Last thing. I'm having a date number two with someone I'm a bit excited about on friday. More to come on that, I'm sure. Trying not to expect anything at all right now, seeing as I don't even know what I want with her. We shall see.
It's my bed time.
xo.

Oh yeah. today marks one full year since I quit smoking. Tyler too. !!!

Autumn.

Today is the kind of beautiful fall day that makes me think of ohio. Not even just.... Really makes me feel like i'm there. Like I'm not in pdx at all. The sun is shining. The leaves are bright orange and raining down all over the city. (aside: a strange man just sat at my table in the coffee shop. please go away strange man and stop looking at my cleavage. love, charlz)
I associate this weather with fourteen. Cough medicine for a high. Mushrooms and pot smoking and tripping in the middle of the day. Falling in love with a straight girl and running around naked in the cold cold rain at night.
I wonder if fall does this to me every year and I just forget in the months between.

Last night on the platform where tyler and I were waiting for Mike, about 8 or 9 teenage boys followed a pretty skinny young woman down the platform. I htink she deliberately came to stand by us. They were all circling around her You a stripper? she said yeah. Prove it. where you dance at? how old are you? prove it. prove. prove it.
One boy was on the outside saying leave her alone guys. They went away for a minute and tyler asked her if she was cool. she said she was fine and we told her to let us know if she wants help. both of us ready to throw down with a gaggle of teenage boys. When the train came she got on and they didn't.
Tyler was really worked up about it. I explained to her that that's why I carried a baseball bat with me in Toledo. That's why I always had planned in my head what I would use as a weapon. There were multiple times I'd be walking down the street, and a CAR would pull over and a group of young guys would get out and do that exactly. smile. play along. be nice. make yourself invisible. blend in with them. act like you're a friend. Or get a Rottweiler and a baseball bat and don't leave home without them. And then try not to live the kind of life where you're just pissed the fuck off about the fact that you have to have a personal bodyguard to move through the world safely.
this, along with the gooey fall nostalgia, is what's on my mind today.

Oh my god!

Looooooook what tyler just got me from the thrift!

news

i'd like to get in the habit of reading the news every morning.
I wonder if I can do this...

also... i need to get off the computer... i'm doing that weird cycling thing, but i'm kinda waiting for something.

yummmmmy

homemade hot chocolate with dark rum and whipped cream.
me n tyler are a little drunkles.
here's to hot booze.