(no subject)

[charlz_lynn]

So, I have a lot to think about in the coming months. Margot and Ree have expressed a wish for me to stay here.. like, while I'm pregnant. And then after I have the baby, if I'm still in Portland. Now, if I stay in pdx, I''m not going to stay here. but during the pregnancy, ...
There are some issues with this, i guess. Pros and cons.
Some pros:

• rent is practically nothing, and if it's late no one cares
• margot and ree are like family
• I like St. Johns, even though it's really far out.
• Spoon, the dog
• I think I could maybe work out more space with them...
  
• did I mention it's cheap?
• it works with my under-the-radar-ness.
  
• there's a washer and dryer
• the shower is locker room style, no tub to step over when preggers (yeah, i'm thinking like that)

Some Cons:

• I don't have a lot of space (but see above)
  
• My room is in the basement. damp. dark. a little dirty. fucking cold in the winter*
  
• st. johns is really far out
• common areas tend to be pretty cluttery
  
• it's very much their house. not mine
  
• everything of mine is in my room, always
• sometimes margot can be really negative. that's not her fault, but I have to think about the bambino
  
• I don't feel like I can have people over, really, because it's not my space

*maybe if I painted my room it would be better. I could paint it some nice light/bright colors, instead of the dark blue it is now. There's still the problem of the windows, though... that there are too few of them, that is. and that can't exactly be changed.

So. I don't really know what to do. I feel like, realistically, I'm going to end up moving back east after I have the baby. I think that providence is where I want to be... we'll see when the time comes.  I have to think about my education, too. It's weird, but I feel like I just need to get pregnant, and then work everything else out. I know a lot of people disagree with this plan - or lack thereof - but it's what my heart is doing, and I tend to listen to it more than anything else. So if I'm going to move, I may as well stay, right? If I knew I were going to stay in pdx, then I would be more inclined to move out and get somewhat settled somewhere else.
Any thoughts on this are  welcome and appreciated.

Comments

[notyourmama2.livejournal.com]

Here's my two cents:

The first three months of pregnancy is like PMS with a sleeping pill chaser. All you're gonna want to do is nap. Or maybe read novels. And then nap. I swear...not just me, but every pregnant woman I've know is blasted tired for those 3 months.

That said, you should be a comfy cozy place for this hibernation. Where you feel happy and warm and cared for, if even by yourself. This doesn't seem so much like where you are. If you stay, find a way to make your space more nest-like.

Or not.

[charlz-lynn.livejournal.com]

Thanks. This does help a lot, because one thing is that my space is almost too nest-like. It's really perfect for resting, but not a whole lot else. I think I can maybe make it more multi-functional.
Thanks a lot.
oh, and nice sign!

[amy-puma.livejournal.com]

I hate to move. So, if you think you might move east after you're knocked up, I personally would spend some time making your current place lovely rather than go through the effort of looking for a place and moving someplace else in Portland. And if you are gonna move east, that costs money (as we've all recently found out) so since where you live now is super cheap, that will help you save money for your big move.

I don't know what your arrangement is like with M and Ree, but it's also nice, especially if you're a "single mom" to have folks around who can help out. Living in the same house as friends could be good that way. I don't know if that's even a possibility, but even having someone to hold your baby while you take a frickin' shower (not joking) is a big deal.

Very exciting!

[charlz-lynn.livejournal.com]

It's funny you mention the shower thing... that was mentioned in the chapter of my lesbo prego book I read last night.
Thanks for all this input. That's pretty much where I am, too. thinking cheaper is better, more communal is better... Thanks a bunch!

[hardheadhabit.livejournal.com]

nym2 is dead on about the low energy first trimester. it takes your body awhile to get used to being two in one.

and the poom's got it right about having built in doulas. trust me, you'll want to shower (or eat or nap), even if the entire time you are away from the pup, you will probably suffer from separation anxiety and your milk will leak.

ultimately, it's of utmost importance to feel safe and grounded in your pregnacy/newborn space. after all, that being will experience your experience right along with you. s/he will imprint the prenatal journey and carry it for life.

(this in not license to obsess about what the nugget is internalizing during gestation. ;))

lastly, the only thing that raised my mama flag was the location of your space. basement means stairs. all stairs are not created equal. will they be hard to negotiate (i'm thinking downward) in your biggest months, when your center of gravity is completely different? handrails? are they safe? this i worry about.

an aside: put it somewhere in your brain to get weather appropriate slip on or velcro close shoes for your last trimester. there will be no lace tying in that stage.

love you.

[charlz-lynn.livejournal.com]

oh my god. have I mentioned lately that I love you? well, I do.
I'm being overwhelmed with love for you after reading this.
Thanks.
I've been thinking about the stairs, too... maybe I could sleep in a different room during the huge time. We'll see.
Thank you, thank you.
love.