charlz_lynn | table

it's cold and sitting at this table in this living room with my feet a little cold brings me back.
if i put on some pink martini and actually had any textbooks to read it might give me a more serious flashback.
so, conrad just left. i'm really glad he came down. we spent almost all of our time just talking and hanging out with his dog, winnie... who's a little high maintenance and completely adorable and amazing. last night we went to sleep at like 9:30... intending to take a nap before a party, but then didn't get up until this morning. I haven't slept a real, full night in far too long. life changing.
it's interesting, how easily overwhelmed i've been lately. like, there's so much going on that i'd like to write on this thing, but when i think about it i just can't. there are so many people i need to call, have been thinking of, have things to mail to.... but there are too many to decide where to start. ...not that any of this is incredibly unusual, really. it just feels bigger right now for some reason.
alright... let's see if i can ramble on about life lately....

work.
my job is pretty excellent. andrew, the bossman, is incredibly flexible. it's easy for me to play hooky and i still have a job even though i have school three days a week. at first i was kinda scared because there was NO positive feedback at all. I thought it might just stay that way.... with him only ever telling me how things were wrong, or giving me occasional tips. but he lightened up pretty quickly, and has even seemed impressed with me a couple times. i'm a fucking slow painter, but when it comes to prepping; sanding, puttying, caulking... i'm seriously awesome. and he noticed. thank god. and he's paying me well. and he really is a great painter, full of tricks. helpful ones.

break-up.
i've been doing worlds better. i miss grover, and i wish i could transport her here to hang out with me... i've never had anyone so close in my life and then lost them like this. like, i have no clue what her life really looks like. i can't picture her apartment or even her face right now, and it's just strange at this point. not so much painful any more... but i've been processing the whole thing a lot still. i still have so many points on which i disagree with her, but it's becoming pointless to talk about them. our relationship right now is pretty complicated.

dating.
ok. you know what? sometimes, you ask for what you want and you get it. fucking awesome.

wrestling.
i had my first appointment last weekend with my regular. it was great, and i decided to get back into it. at least try, until i get pregnant. i put an ad up yesterday, and i FINALLY set up a separate email account for my endeavors. if you know any rich pervs who wanna wrestle me for 150 an hour, send them to throwdowngirl at g mail dot com. so exciting.

school.
i'm really nervous about this school business. of course i'm excited. i miss learning things. but i had to go to the campus the other day and of course nothing i needed was available. and looking around at the other students makes my stomach hurt. it's the only world, aside from that place in the midwest where i get really depressed, where i'm surrounded by non-queer people. i'm spoiled in this regard, i know... but that's my life. always has been. and stepping out of it is sometimes so scary. i think it's my greatest anxiety producer.

home.
things here are a little weird. it's lovely to be back, but i really need my own space. co needs a job, and we're going to try and live with zelda... who also has some preparation that needs to happen. we'll see. i have a lot of fantasies about living situations and i try to ignore them right now.

that's it for now, i think. i'm on my way to hang out with boog and janie which is SO FUCKING EXCITING!!! we're gonna go buy textbooks at powell's. also exciting.
kay. xo.