been thinking and frustrated
Jan. 30th, 2007 11:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
charlz_lynnI'm double-posting. how gay...........
You may or may not have noticed... I'm in Brooklyn. As in, not living in my car. And yes, on purpose... my car did not break down... I was not kidnapped... there was no serious illness involved in landing me here... I repeat, I was NOT kidnapped.
You see, the (second) original plan (after providence/Brown) was that I would move into my car, travelling around the country and working on the houses of friends. In exchange, I would sleep on their couches and they would feed me food and good conversation. Sounds lovely, right? Well, it did sound lovely until i realized how lonely it would be. For a lot of reasons...
1. I'd really only ever be with people I know mostly peripherally.
2. There'd be a whooole lot of time, just me and the car, and my funky body-smells.
3. Hello! Grover and I have been long-distance for over a year! And we're both tired of the electronic relations and time-zone changes and never-ending differently-paced lives!!
4. What happens when I get sick-face?? What if my Mom doesn't just happen to be there, AND it's not my home?
5. I would be living out of suitcases and duffel bags, and after years and years of that, it gets a little tiring.
So, why do I bring this up? Well, due to some recent conversation, I feel it's necessary to point out that I'm not here because G sat me down and said "Look, baby, you should move to Brooklyn, where I can take care of you and have you all to myself." The notion is a bit ridiculous. I'm a big girl. She and I discussed, at length, what it would mean if I moved here. Pros, cons, what changes would occur because of it... and how it might be interpreted by certain parties. And what it came down to is this:
1. We're both much happier when we're moving within the same space.
2. I've kinda fallen in love with Brooklyn...
3. There are all sorts of people here that I've known, and wanted to know better, since I was about 10.
4. I can lay my fucked-up back in a bed every night, instead of slouching in a car and sleeping on a couch.
5. No suitcases!! (after tomorrow...)
That's that. This has been on my mind... and I hate it. It's a stupid game where my brain is spending all night justifying itself to me. So now clarifying my decisions on lj. And I'm fighting anger at certain implications, and not very successfully. I just don't think it's right to try and make people feel guilty for their decisions about their own lives. This doesn't affect anyone but me and I'm an ADULT. And that's all for now because the bratty adult is coming out.
You may or may not have noticed... I'm in Brooklyn. As in, not living in my car. And yes, on purpose... my car did not break down... I was not kidnapped... there was no serious illness involved in landing me here... I repeat, I was NOT kidnapped.
You see, the (second) original plan (after providence/Brown) was that I would move into my car, travelling around the country and working on the houses of friends. In exchange, I would sleep on their couches and they would feed me food and good conversation. Sounds lovely, right? Well, it did sound lovely until i realized how lonely it would be. For a lot of reasons...
1. I'd really only ever be with people I know mostly peripherally.
2. There'd be a whooole lot of time, just me and the car, and my funky body-smells.
3. Hello! Grover and I have been long-distance for over a year! And we're both tired of the electronic relations and time-zone changes and never-ending differently-paced lives!!
4. What happens when I get sick-face?? What if my Mom doesn't just happen to be there, AND it's not my home?
5. I would be living out of suitcases and duffel bags, and after years and years of that, it gets a little tiring.
So, why do I bring this up? Well, due to some recent conversation, I feel it's necessary to point out that I'm not here because G sat me down and said "Look, baby, you should move to Brooklyn, where I can take care of you and have you all to myself." The notion is a bit ridiculous. I'm a big girl. She and I discussed, at length, what it would mean if I moved here. Pros, cons, what changes would occur because of it... and how it might be interpreted by certain parties. And what it came down to is this:
1. We're both much happier when we're moving within the same space.
2. I've kinda fallen in love with Brooklyn...
3. There are all sorts of people here that I've known, and wanted to know better, since I was about 10.
4. I can lay my fucked-up back in a bed every night, instead of slouching in a car and sleeping on a couch.
5. No suitcases!! (after tomorrow...)
That's that. This has been on my mind... and I hate it. It's a stupid game where my brain is spending all night justifying itself to me. So now clarifying my decisions on lj. And I'm fighting anger at certain implications, and not very successfully. I just don't think it's right to try and make people feel guilty for their decisions about their own lives. This doesn't affect anyone but me and I'm an ADULT. And that's all for now because the bratty adult is coming out.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-31 02:29 pm (UTC)xo!