I'm posting a lot lately
Feb. 4th, 2009 11:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
charlz_lynnI mentioned earlier that I am nervous about my date on Friday. So, yeah, I have a date Friday. With a new person. A stranger, but not in the way that I called the Brute a stranger, because by the time I met her we were pretty much in it. Even if we were telling ourselves it was going to be a casual one night stand.
Anyway, this new person... Umn. What shall I call her? S for now. Code name to be determined at a later date. We have not even emailed a whole lot, have not spoken much yet, either. She seems pretty nice. But I am nervous. Why? Well, she is going to come down to my area, and we are going to meet somewhere around here. She told me to pick a place but I live in the middle of nowhere. Nothing is open after like 7, as far as coffee/tea shops go, anyway. I had a moment of thinking, Maybe I should just have her at my house for tea, and then reason stepped in. No way. So I have been searching the internet, and not really finding much. Whatever... small hurdle. Also, she reminds me of The Butch Top of last year. Who was a bit of an asshole.
The other reason I am nervous is because I am feeling like I just want my fucking girlfriend. I want to be spending time with The Brute, having dates with her, fucking and laughing and eating and reading and sleeping and going off on dates and coming back together and going about our normal lives together. I want these things now, and I think that my avid pursuit of dates has been mostly to take some of the pressure off of those needs/wants. Which, I suppose, is an okay solution. We are poly. I don't want to make the mistake again of defaulting to monogamy because it's easier... because, well... I know where that could end up. It's not what I want, anyway. What I want is very likely 2 months away from right now. Living in the same town. Dating other people. Dating each other in practice, not just on vacation. Having a healthy and consistent sex life, which helps me to have a healthier relationship to my own body. At least in this stage of my life.
Whatever. I am talking too much, overprocessing this thing. It doesn't matter this much. I am going to jump in and do it and then I won't be so nervous about it anymore. Jeesh. I have to go to sleep so I can wake up in time to meet the plumber.
Anyway, this new person... Umn. What shall I call her? S for now. Code name to be determined at a later date. We have not even emailed a whole lot, have not spoken much yet, either. She seems pretty nice. But I am nervous. Why? Well, she is going to come down to my area, and we are going to meet somewhere around here. She told me to pick a place but I live in the middle of nowhere. Nothing is open after like 7, as far as coffee/tea shops go, anyway. I had a moment of thinking, Maybe I should just have her at my house for tea, and then reason stepped in. No way. So I have been searching the internet, and not really finding much. Whatever... small hurdle. Also, she reminds me of The Butch Top of last year. Who was a bit of an asshole.
The other reason I am nervous is because I am feeling like I just want my fucking girlfriend. I want to be spending time with The Brute, having dates with her, fucking and laughing and eating and reading and sleeping and going off on dates and coming back together and going about our normal lives together. I want these things now, and I think that my avid pursuit of dates has been mostly to take some of the pressure off of those needs/wants. Which, I suppose, is an okay solution. We are poly. I don't want to make the mistake again of defaulting to monogamy because it's easier... because, well... I know where that could end up. It's not what I want, anyway. What I want is very likely 2 months away from right now. Living in the same town. Dating other people. Dating each other in practice, not just on vacation. Having a healthy and consistent sex life, which helps me to have a healthier relationship to my own body. At least in this stage of my life.
Whatever. I am talking too much, overprocessing this thing. It doesn't matter this much. I am going to jump in and do it and then I won't be so nervous about it anymore. Jeesh. I have to go to sleep so I can wake up in time to meet the plumber.
