Blah

When I'm overwhelmed and maxed out, alone time sounds so rejuvenating. But then when I actually get some solitude, I am more freaked out than relaxed. At least, that's how it is right now. Maybe because I don't get to actually take it as downtime. I need to be working every moment, but instead have been engaging in some self-sabotaging behavior. Like logging on to facebook and looking for any sign of anything from Fabulosa because not having access to my person is weird and I don't like it. Or watching internet porn. Or just looking and looking again at livejournal to see if anyone has posted anything new in the last three minutes. The moments I take as 'down' are not actually relaxing, they are stressful because I shouldn't be doing whatever I'm doing.

There are my ugly truths. Now. Back to the thesis.

I'm editing this to add:
I'm sitting here and reading through the literature to figure out how the hell to interpret and report my results. And. Well. It just occurred to me that I haven't put in the time I should be putting in, and that is truly my only downfall here. I can do this. I can do this well. I'm wicked smart. Just have to actually dedicate myself to this for the next few weeks and then I'll have a motherfucking masters degree in biology. That's bitchin.