why the emo-thon, charlz?

i started writing this post, and it sounded a whole lot more depressed than i am. so i'll just say this: i'm all over the fucking place these days. up, down, sideways. in seconds i go from feelin fine to totally down. and i'm making myself crazy. pms? probably not, but i hope so.
that said... things are really feeling a lot better since i stopped working the door every night at the bar. of course, 2 nights ago i got into a screaming match with some asshole man, and almost went after him. it was ugly. he was being a fuck. and so was i. and i hope i never see him again because i'm ashamed of how i acted, and he should be too.
the night before that, when i was working the door, a jamaican man i'd never met came up to me and started telling me all sorts of things about myself. mostly true things... about how i interract with the world and think about people, and get sad for long periods of time because i see things going wrong, and where my back and head hurt, and many more... it was crazy. it would have been even better if he hadn't kept telling me i needed a man. but anyway. has this ever happened to anyone else???
i feel a lot better now, too, because i've been painting again. i may have said this before, but it feels nice to do quiet steady work, and be outside. and get a lot done in a day. the women i work for can be challenging sometimes, we come from very different worlds, but even that hasn't felt as icky as in the beginning.
okay, one last thing because i told myself i wasn't going to spend my whole break between jobs on the computer....
I'M GOING TO BROOKLYN FRIDAY!!! ok. that's all. ciao.