plans

So. Here I am. Back in Seattle after the most wonderful trip across country with Dawn and the most wonderful party with so many beloveds. I of course didn't want to leave Providence, I wanted to hang out with my mom and have no responsibilities instead of flying back and being lonely and having my very limited responsibilities. I'm anxious about getting the amount of work I agreed to finished where I live. It seemed like so little before I was nauseous, dizzy, and sleepy all the time. 20 hours a month? That's nothing! But now it's down to 35 hours in two weeks. And moving.

Ah, yes. Moving. So, the plan is that I am moving back to The Wayward. I just got off the phone with Margot. She and Ree both let me know very clearly that they wanted me to come back. That was incredibly helpful because I don't know if I could have asked... but, Margot's phone call to say "We don't just mean 'It's okay if you need to crash here,' but we want you to come live with us," Well, that did the trick for me. I'll be moving my stuff down there starting next week, likely in two trips. I have to say, I'm very excited. Seattle is nice, but I am really lonely not being around people I've known forever. And, too much city. And, I never wanted to live in Seattle in the first place, that was never the plan...

All in all, this feels right. Everything is falling into a place that feels right, and OHP (Oregon Health Plan) covers home births, but you can't apply for it until third trimester. Weird. But, that's what I'll do.

Mara and I had a closure meeting with my midwife today and heard the baby's heartbeat again. 130 bpm. It's incredible to hear it. Infuckingcredible. The baby also kicked me Monday night, and that was amazing, too. I could never have imagined loving something this much, this big. I don't know if I could ever have imagined feelings this strong on any level. What a fucking blessing. Right now I feel like my life is so full of blessings...

Here's to Dads.

Called my dad to ask for money. This is not something I have ever really done, I have maybe baited him into offering once or twice, but today I initiated the conversation. It's a relief. He's going to help me get my car registered (since I am, once again, driving an insured but unregistered car), which involves getting it emissions-ready, transferring the title, getting plates, and paying the motherfucking 110 dollar excise tax in MA that was only 54 bucks, but I was late, so it doubled. Ugh.

Here I am, again, so fucking broke I'm scared to spend any money at all because the next check I know I'm getting is at Michigan. I hate this. But... I should be/get used to it. It's been life, kinda, and now with the baby.... Well, it's okay. It's really okay. I have food stamps and WIC for now, and I have a home. I am really lucky. Still feeling the blessings of the earlier post.