![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yesterday...
Mar. 20th, 2009 09:06 amwas a hard day. So far everything has really been great... I have way too much down time, though, every day at the venues. Like 5 hours of nothing to do and not knowing where to put myself while other people are working. I bought sewing supplies and could not find any knee high socks in southern Florida in the spring. Ah well, I will find some. I am going to take my computer to the venue from now on.
So, yesterday... We had a day off, drove to Tampa from West Palm Beach (which was not a pleasant place -- strip mall hell, rained HARD the whole time, felt like Ohio only hotter and with palm trees and Brazilian strip malls, too). We stopped for breakfast and I didn't realize that was the exit we were looking for anyway, and got back on the highway. The next exit was ten miles away. Turned around, got back, missed my turn, took us 20 miles in the wrong direction. Down a highway with nothing but roadkill and vultures. No signs anywhere. None. Toshi was being nice about it, but I was being really mean to myself. Just as we became sure that we were in the wrong place and decided to turn around, a bird hit the windshield right in front of my face. I gasped, put my hand over my mouth, and LOST IT. Crying. "I just killed something with the car!" Fuck.
It got better. I am super emotional lately. Here I am again, either pregnant or PMSing. Having a really hard time being poly. An even harder time being long distance even though it's almost over. Being on the road is wonderful but lonely. I'm really socially awkward and everyone has good friends on this tour. I have seen all sorts of things and places I have never seen. The birds in Florida are amazing. We saw a pack of vultures with grey heads eating a huge dog. I've only ever seen turkey vultures. And there was a HUGE bird that flew over the car that was so beautiful and long and graceful, maybe some kind of crane, but seemd too round in the body. It was a tan color. Gorgeous.
I don't mean to make it sound all bad... Ths is a huge privilege and I feel lucky and happy to be here. I'm just lonely and hormonal. I don't need to process the good shit, you know?
And on the maybe-pregnant front... This month my basal body temp. pattern was triphasic. Meaning, there was a second spike in temperature, just after a small dip, which is often a sign of implantation. I should really know in the next two or three days. I'm trying to just let go and not be hyper-aware of my body, but it's so hard!! I'm so excited and trying not to be!
Alright. Well, I hope you are all doing well. I've been trying to keep up with your journals and am always grateful that people put parts of their lives on here so I can feel closer to them even if I don't have it in me to comment or post.
xoxo
So, yesterday... We had a day off, drove to Tampa from West Palm Beach (which was not a pleasant place -- strip mall hell, rained HARD the whole time, felt like Ohio only hotter and with palm trees and Brazilian strip malls, too). We stopped for breakfast and I didn't realize that was the exit we were looking for anyway, and got back on the highway. The next exit was ten miles away. Turned around, got back, missed my turn, took us 20 miles in the wrong direction. Down a highway with nothing but roadkill and vultures. No signs anywhere. None. Toshi was being nice about it, but I was being really mean to myself. Just as we became sure that we were in the wrong place and decided to turn around, a bird hit the windshield right in front of my face. I gasped, put my hand over my mouth, and LOST IT. Crying. "I just killed something with the car!" Fuck.
It got better. I am super emotional lately. Here I am again, either pregnant or PMSing. Having a really hard time being poly. An even harder time being long distance even though it's almost over. Being on the road is wonderful but lonely. I'm really socially awkward and everyone has good friends on this tour. I have seen all sorts of things and places I have never seen. The birds in Florida are amazing. We saw a pack of vultures with grey heads eating a huge dog. I've only ever seen turkey vultures. And there was a HUGE bird that flew over the car that was so beautiful and long and graceful, maybe some kind of crane, but seemd too round in the body. It was a tan color. Gorgeous.
I don't mean to make it sound all bad... Ths is a huge privilege and I feel lucky and happy to be here. I'm just lonely and hormonal. I don't need to process the good shit, you know?
And on the maybe-pregnant front... This month my basal body temp. pattern was triphasic. Meaning, there was a second spike in temperature, just after a small dip, which is often a sign of implantation. I should really know in the next two or three days. I'm trying to just let go and not be hyper-aware of my body, but it's so hard!! I'm so excited and trying not to be!
Alright. Well, I hope you are all doing well. I've been trying to keep up with your journals and am always grateful that people put parts of their lives on here so I can feel closer to them even if I don't have it in me to comment or post.
xoxo
