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Jan. 2nd, 2008 01:05 pmAlright. I think I can do it now.
2007 hurt. It hurt so much, so often, and in so many ways. From the beginning with depression and migraines, and living in Brooklyn and being, primarily, unable to handle it. Too much all the time. Too fast. Spencer getting arrested, and everything attached to that... family stuff, class stuff. In the middle with the break up. And the pain of that dragging on like nothing I've ever felt before. It still hurts often. It's so complicated. And it still makes me so upset.
But, here I am. And I'm exactly where I planned on being pre-break up (except for my living situation). School is going well, my future career is so exciting I could pee, and I'm going to make a baby. It's reality.
Right now I'm lonely, and making it worse for myself. But I know this. I know, too, that it's alright to be a mess sometimes. I held it together with steel wire over the summer, and now I need to stretch out. This much time off school is not good for me, and I knew it coming in. If I had more money, I would have spent this last week in Provincetown with my mom... but I don't, and instead, I've caught up on movies, and tv on dvd, and harry potter on cd. I haven't read enough, but you know, I feel okay about it. I've spent a lot of time alone, a little time on dates, and a tiny little bit of time with friends.
So, while the past year has had a lot of pain mashed in with the good, and right now is grey (I do live in Portland, after all), I think this year is going to be incredible. I mean, I'm a sag, and there's a lot of change about to come. What more could I ask for, really?
2008. here we go.
2007 hurt. It hurt so much, so often, and in so many ways. From the beginning with depression and migraines, and living in Brooklyn and being, primarily, unable to handle it. Too much all the time. Too fast. Spencer getting arrested, and everything attached to that... family stuff, class stuff. In the middle with the break up. And the pain of that dragging on like nothing I've ever felt before. It still hurts often. It's so complicated. And it still makes me so upset.
But, here I am. And I'm exactly where I planned on being pre-break up (except for my living situation). School is going well, my future career is so exciting I could pee, and I'm going to make a baby. It's reality.
Right now I'm lonely, and making it worse for myself. But I know this. I know, too, that it's alright to be a mess sometimes. I held it together with steel wire over the summer, and now I need to stretch out. This much time off school is not good for me, and I knew it coming in. If I had more money, I would have spent this last week in Provincetown with my mom... but I don't, and instead, I've caught up on movies, and tv on dvd, and harry potter on cd. I haven't read enough, but you know, I feel okay about it. I've spent a lot of time alone, a little time on dates, and a tiny little bit of time with friends.
So, while the past year has had a lot of pain mashed in with the good, and right now is grey (I do live in Portland, after all), I think this year is going to be incredible. I mean, I'm a sag, and there's a lot of change about to come. What more could I ask for, really?
2008. here we go.
