charlz_lynn: (Default)
A few months ago, I was looking into what it would take to finish my degree. I called the school, thinking I had a couple classes to take, and thinking I would commute or take them online (school is in Portland). Well, when I was on the phone with the academic adviser, she told me that I had all the credits for an Associate degree in general studies. I didn't really believe her because she actually sounded a little... well, dumb. To be honest. And then she kept trying to push the Associate of Science, which would have meant nineteen credits of electives only. Or the Associate of Arts, which was fifteen credits of art classes. Fun, sure, but no thanks!

Anyway, today, I found out that I DO have that degree!! So exciting, eh?? I have a motherfucking degree! Woohoo! No more community college for me! I'm going to try and go to Evergreen starting next year. My kid will be almost one then. Kind of a big year, all of a sudden.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
Okay, here it is. It's not the greatest, but I wrote it in an hour and did my presentation an hour later. They loved it. And a guy in my class came up to me afterward and told me about his moms. It was great to talk to another kid of queers. I've always been a little shocked when he speaks by his sense of awareness, and I guess I understand now why. Not that all kids of queers are, but... 

It feels a little silly, like "yeah, yeah," but it was in response to a person in my class stating that I should not "throw that word around."
Anyway, text under the cut, and here's a photo of my li'l drawring.


 


charlz_lynn: (Default)
Yes, yes. Finals week is upon us. Which means, I need a to-do list of all the shit I have put off until the end of the term to make up in a week. Here goes:

Biology:
  • Study for my practicum
  • Three-chapter final
  • Fast plants worksheet 3 (for tomorrow)
Writing:
  • Rewrite Amtrak and Flint Michigan papers
  • Read Orwell (for tomorrow)
  • Visual argument (for thursday)
  • Final
Latin American Literature:
  • Write Hundred Years paper (late)
  • Write critical analysis paper (late)
  • Read and respond to poetry (for thursday)
  • Final? Dunno.

I have completely jerked off through Latin American Lit. I'm paying for it now. Really stressed about it, but also I don't care. I hate that class. I hate online classes. It doesn't work for me because I don't work for me. Really, I've been soooo distracted by the potential babymaking that I've dropped a lot of balls this term. Well, not in Biology. I feel pretty good about it, and the other classes I can't stand.
So, what does this say about me? I'm a big baby that doesn't wanna do anything I don't wanna do. So there.

science

Apr. 30th, 2008 10:39 am
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I felt really on top of all my shit for having spent so long on vacation in the middle of the term. That is, until yesterday when I went back to school and was slapped in the face with harsh reality. That scientific paper you thought was due next Tuesday, Charlz? Yeah, that's due tomorrow. As in, scientific paper. Like, Abstract, introduction, materials and methods, results, discussion, graphics, and references. CRAP! I have today. One day only. Back to ice cream.
Oh yeah, and why did I think the paper was due Tuesday? Right, because there's an exam I forgot about on Tuesday. Crap squared.

Also, I got Millicent to a mechanic this morning. Cross your fingers. My dream is that they will be able to fix her for 300 bucks.

And one last. I want to rekindle friendship and I don't know how. God damnit. But I had a dream about it last night. That's a huge scary thing in my heart.

Morning

Apr. 15th, 2008 10:39 am
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I was on the phone for three hours last night. And the night before. With my one night stand.
Umn, what?

Anyway. I've been up studying for a bit now, I have a biology exam in a couple hours. Mendelian genetics review, basis of chromosomal inheritance, DNA replication, and RNA transcription. WHEW! I'm actually kind of excited to get it out of the way. I also have a paper due that is not finished, but pretty much kicks ass so far. It's an analysis of a written argument - from Andrew Sullivan in 1989 - for gay marriage. But he's using the argument against DPs to say that gays will be socially responsible if we can get marred. Fucking gay conservatives, man. That is, of course, super simplified, but you get the point.
In the three hours between the two classes I can probably finish catching up in my late-registration lit. class and finish that paper.
This is the end of a pretty solitary weekend here at the house-sitting house. Yesterday I finally kicked it into gear and got my studying done that needed to happen. I've eaten three pints of ice cream. It's my crutch. And I've drank about a million gallons of tea. That's the other crutch. This box of irish breakfast has three bags left in it, and once it's gone i'm off caffeine. (there are also a bunch floating around in my book bag that I'll drink first)

I really feel like I'm going to get pregnant the first try. Part of me feels half-foolish to feel so sure, but I just do. I'm going between not wanting to set myself up for heart break and feeling like manifestation is key.

Do you think it would be silly to order the Bend, Breathe, and Conceive dvd? It's future-mom yoga. I wonder if I would actually do it. I think I'm more likely to do it by myself than go to a class....
I'm obsessed.

Shooter

Apr. 3rd, 2008 11:38 am
charlz_lynn: (goddess tree)
There was another 'shooting' on campus yesterday. I don't know any details about this one, only what I got in my inbox. (I did learn that no one was hurt... maybe another teenager just firing in the air?)

One of my classmates sent out a mass e-mail to let everyone know that it had happened, which she did this last time, too.
I just wrote her back and asked her to "please exclude me from future emails of this nature," (in that language, because that's her language) mostly because both times there have been no details, just this panicked email in my box holding this girl's terror.
I wish I was more articulate about  why this bothers me so much, same as why the active shooter drills in my face and everyone else's bother me. But two active shooter drills closely followed by two 'shootings'? I dunno.
And then I wonder if they're having the same drills and the same problems at the other campuses.

Fuck yeah!

Mar. 19th, 2008 11:53 am
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I got a 94 on my biology exam!
Yeah! I think this means I'll get an A in the class.
Now, calculus. I'll be lucky if I pull a C. I have 2 hours to study.
xo.

one down

Mar. 18th, 2008 03:09 pm
charlz_lynn: (hedgehog)
just took my chemistry final. That class was easy for me, but having put off so much of the work till the end, i was a little screwed. I think i did great on the test, but I turned in a half-finished homework assignment and a half-assed lab report.
Every once in a while I'm reminded that this learning stuff is really hard for some people and I have to remember how lucky I am that things like chemistry are a cakewalk for me.

So. Writing portfolio is turned in.
Chemistry work and final are done.
Tomorrow I sit for a biology final and a calculus final. Our group project will be turned in, and I'm not doing the extra credit even though i might get a c in that class.
I'm way disappointed in myself for my performance in calculus this term, but really I can't sweat it.

Next term biology will be my only truly challenging class, I think.

now I will spend the evening studying for those two finals... and somewhere in there i will go get ice cream god damnit.

xo
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I have one week to finish all of the following, and most should be done by Friday. I feel pretty good about it.

Biology:
  • Prepare for the final exam.
  • That's it. Ha!
Calculus:
  • Type up our group project which uses calculus to determine if a certain fish should be released in a certain river and at what distance from the bank.
  • Prepare for the final. This will take some serious work.
Writing:
  • Polish portfolio (revisions, revisions, revisions).
  • Finish my piece on Festival, and turn it into a lyric essay.
  • Write a review/critique of my own work.
Chemistry:
  • Do the three one lab reports that I've put off for the last 6 weeks (!!).
  • Do the three chapter reviews I have also put off.
  • Prepare for the final (which means basically balancing a shitload of equations, which I love).

So... it's a bit. But it's alright. Chemistry seems overwhelming, but it's SO easy! That's why I have so much to make up. It's all really simple stuff, and the instructor is really lax, so... I've just set it aside.
yeehaw. I'm caffeinated and ready for this.
charlz_lynn: (goddess)
My brain has been nonstop for a little too long right now. All day with calculus, up until 1am writing a paper, up at 8 and headed to school, biology, directly to calculus study group, calculus exam, and now my two and a half hour break finishing that paper. I have to go to writing class now and turn in this paper that is not very good. Sometimes it happens.
i have a hard time writing about things that are not funny, and things that I have strong feelings about. Ar.

Okay.. I'm negotiating a meeting with this woman who is SO HOT. It won't be for three more weeks, but... damn I'm excited. It's been hard to stay focused on things and not on what we're planning out, and the conversations that are running parallel to that one.
Damn. That's all.
charlz_lynn: (homework)
I'm plodding through calculus homework right now. We have an exam tomorrow, on all sorts of integration techniques, applying Simpson's rule, and trig substitutions (that all means nothing to most sane people). So, I'm trying to get ready for it, because I don't want to fail it.
Which is a possibility.
I've been so bad this term. And now it's crunch time. I've put off a ton of chemistry homework because that class is SO easy and he's SO lax, and that must all be made up in the next week.  I haven't done a lick of calculus the entire term (until 2 weeks ago, after I failed an exam!! And if you know me and math, you understand how fucked up that is...). Even writing has fallen by the wayside. I have been pretty secretive about this, because I'm completely ashamed of myself.
But shame, as my mother pointed out, is just another excuse to forgo catching up.
Basically, what it comes down to is that I can't focus on schoolwork. When I can, I'm applying all that to Biology which has been really difficult and exciting. But just because I love one class and not all the others is no excuse to just flip myself over and do myself dry, so to speak.
This is make or break week, people. Wish me luck.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I just registered for classes. Next term I'm taking thirteen credits, as opposed to 18. Praise the goddess.
I'm taking:
Writing 122 (english composition, damnit. snore)\
African Art (We'll see. I'm excited)
And second-term biology for science majors (Which I will have time to do well in with the absence of calculus and chemistry and real writing class)

i also applied for financial aid for both here and cape cod community college, just in case. And I lost a button that tyler gave me that said "A your and amazon" and I'm really really bummed about it.

As for productivity last night... no lab write ups. only magic brownie and long long bath and good sleep. He doesn't take off for late work, so.. fine. i feel better in the world today.
Except for when I burst into tears, which has only happened three times in the last twenty four hours. Sadly, that's an improvement.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I just arrived at Sossity and Kina's, where I will be house sitting until Tuesday. Yee haw. While more cluttered than the last place, their house is set up much better for studying... which is great. Also, they have 2 cats that are pretty low maintenance.
Anyhow. Tonight, I have these goals:
  1. Do 2 chem lab write ups
  2. Eat a special brownie
  3. Take a bath - salts included
  4. Sleep long and hard
I know, I may be being a bit ambitious. Ha. But, I can relax a little tonight... and I will spend the weekend catching up on Calculus - including a Saturday study session with my classmates.

umn.

Feb. 25th, 2008 08:12 am
charlz_lynn: (Default)
Should i move to Massachusettes and take a year off school to make my tuition ten thousand dollars less? That's half as much. My mumma would shit if she heard this idea.
I have a lot of thinking to do. 
Like... take a year off to have a baby and then go back to school. I wonder if pregnancy would be sufficient to defer my loans for 6 months. 
??!!?? 

And, while I'm here... Why am i such a sagittarius?
Seriously?
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I'm going to start working again. Painting. On Saturday! It's just one little gig, but... Well, I went to the bank to deposit a little tiny check and asked for my balance. Right before I deposited the check, my balance was FIVE dollars, and I had no clue. I do have a chunk in my savings, but... I've spent a lot in the last week on healthier food and doctors and tinctures. It's necessary and I don't feel sorry for it. Just having a little money panic is not going to help my health right now, and I no income doesn't work for me.
So, little jobs here and there. I'm fortunate to have them. I'm painting a basement floor, for the guy I was working for in the fall, which will only be like fifty bucks. But I called him because I can work for him next term two days a week.
Then I'm also house sitting for a hundred this weekend/next week. I'm having dinner with the couple whose animals I'm watching tonight. That should be nice and relaxing aside from the amount of time it will take that I should be doing my project for tomorrow (note: I said doing, not working on... meaning: I haven't started yet).
Dinner with Jodi tomorrow. Painting Saturday, then relaxing in someone else's house and studying by myself. Sunday, relaxing and studying again. I'm going to try and treat the house sitting gig like a vacation (while still working at school things).

One last thing --- I want to point out, in order to congratulate myself, that I quit wheat and sugar four days before my period. When I would normally be eating a pint of ice cream a day.
Go me.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I don't feel good.
Last time i thought I bombed a calculus exam, I got a b on it. But that will not be the case with the one I just took. I think I left a quarter of the problems blank, or with question marks, and was shooting in the dark for 90% of the remainder.
I'm a mess right now, and  calculus has been at the absolute bottom of my list. Health concerns have finally moved up (which moved calc to the very bottom), at least to second, and my other classes are definitely more important to me now.
Floating around in my messiness is a lot of pain and itching. My heart hurts a lot lately. I'm premenstrual. I'm really really really lonely. I think I might put off the baby making until the fall, unless i somehow end up sleeping with a boy I trust on more levels than I even know any boys. i just cannot afford it. And I want it so bad that it's breaking my heart to not have it be it live it right now. I miss my family. All manners of family. Baaaaad. Did I mention I'm lonely? Well, i am. I have a fever. And, oh, yeah, eczema on my motherfucking vag. And in my ears. I think in my ears is the worst.
Also, lonely.
One good thing, I'm going to toshi's show tonight. So, there's one lost family member. And Tyler will be there. And P and E. I just hope i can make it until then without bursting into tears (fighting crying right now, fucking public). And a bonus would be not bursting into tears at the show.
One more good thing, I have quit wheat and sugar with a great deal more success than I thought possible from myself. The only sugar I've had is fruit, and that I feel okay about). I DID have a slice of pizza yesterday afternoon, then i think the itching got a lot worse from that. So. Am I allergic to wheat? I guess I'll find out. bummer.
At the naturopath i found out I have Labrynthitis, which means there's fluid in my Labrynth. Like, my ear tubes and stuff. (at least, that's what i think they were saying). So last night I did this weird thing involving putting on wet cotton socks, wool socks over them, and then going to bed. It felt kinda nice. And strange.
They also told me to take Dandelion, Oregon grape, and Benedryl (sp?) for the itching. She said stay off the wheat and sugar. I wish I had the ability to be more focused when at the doc, so I could make sure i really understand what they're saying to me.
Okay. I have to go somewhere. be outside or something.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I just took a biology test that made me want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep forever.
Wah. I have to go back in 20 minutes to get my exam back, though, and that does make me feel a little better. i can be nervous now, and then get it over with. No more nerves waiting around to get my grade back.

People in the library piss me off, shouting to each other about myspace across the computer lab. Seriously. Shut the fuck up.

I think I'm grumpy. i wanna go home and focus on getting better instead of staying here for the rest of the day.  I'm feeling pretty nauseous, and if this is the beginning of a different kind of sick, I'll blow my top.
Oh well. Suck it up, charlz.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
So, since new year's I've quit drinking booze and coffee.
My birthday twin is trying to quit those things right now. I talked to her last night, and it was amazing. always is. I wish she and I lived in the same place so we could sit in comfy chairs and shoot the shit together.
I just find it interesting that there are certain things in our life that are so parallel, even though we're so different in so many ways.

I have to go track down my irresponsible calculus instructor now so  I can make up my exam. I've emailed him and called him and gotten no response as to where/when I should find him today to make it up.... Maybe he's sick now, since half the class was sick on exam day (the smart kids, actually... the kid that leads the study group and this incredibly nerdy girl that I really like).
i got about half of that to-do list done the other day, and i feel pretty good about that. this work load is crazy.
Alright.
Wish me luck.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
i feel a little like the not-so-smart slutty version of hermione granger.

charlz_lynn: (Default)
Even though I got a B in Calculus last term (I earned it. By skipping classes and quizzes and never making them up), I still made the Dean's List. Sweet. I had felt like a total failure. (I'm particularly hard on myself sometimes, after being a slacker)
Also, I keep forgetting to mention... My confirmation came the other day. Put-in/Lace/Main Kitch (ac). I'm still a little unsure what, exactly, put-in is going to mean for me... but I think there's a little flex added on there, too. I arrive the 11th of July. Wow.
Okay, speaking of being a slacker, I was supposed to be studying this whole time... but there was myspace and dean's list letters to look at.
xo
Also, I just took a bite of a normal looking candy cane and it was cinnamon! Weird!

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