charlz_lynn | So it's official.

I have to talk about this, and I feel like I have to do it here. But I would really prefer you not talk to my mom about what I write here this time. Please? If you feel like that will be hard, just don't click it.

My mom is not working at michigan this year. And I think she is totally making the right decision. It's what is best for her this time, maybe, and she'll spend time with my Nana, who has been pretty sick. (She just had her fucking large intestine removed, about three weeks after a knee surgery, and it seems she may be turning the corner into old age. ) So... yeah. I think it's good of my mom to do what feels best to her. She's been talking all year about not wanting to come, and she will still likely come as a festie.
BUT. (I'm just gonna let it out now...) What about me? Who's going to take care of me? Have barn reading dates with me? Cuddle with me? Rub my feet and my back? Make fun of me for not wrestling? Be my Mumma?
I've never been without her there, and it's the only thing we really do together anymore. And I may have mentioned that I'm pregnant? I wouldn't go as far as to say I feel abandoned... But I feel something, pretty strongly, that keeps making me cry. Maybe a big part of it is that my mom is such a huge part of my identity. I'm scared about this year in general in terms of what I will and won't be able to do. And, no mom? No tyler? No jones? I have, in the past, tended to isolate myself from everyone but these people, in a way. In my way. I don't have a lot of really deep connections with people...
Whatever. Everything will be fine. I just have to say it that I'm scared and sad, and I miss her so badly already. I haven't been doing so well the last few weeks emotionally or physically. I'm worried that will feel like this for the rest of the pregnancy (like s h i t ) including at Michigan. Crying while my mom pets my head wouldn't fix this, I know, but it would sure feel good.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I am not your mom, but I am A mom, and will happily pat your head or be a shoulder to cry on.

Thanks, Fae. That really means a whole lot to me. xoxo

I am not a mom, but I've known you since you were a child...it would be awesome to be there for you: pet your head while you cry, make you tea, give you hugs...whatever you need, you will find me and many others to be your mom the entire time you are there. We will all miss your mom not being there, but it doesn't have to mean a bad time for you. You are loved. We are your tribe. And family.

I promise to take care of you AND make fun of you this summer. I get how tough this must be for you. Sometimes you just need your mom.
xoxo and love love love

it makes me sad that you say you don't have a lot of really deep connections with people. perhaps it's selfish of me, but i have a deep connection with you.

and...

i know you pretty independent of knowing yr mom. i forget you ladies know each other. i know it's a big deal, but it's also an opportunity for you...

every year that place is big and scary. you'll be just fine. you are the toughest lady i know (and i know some mf tough ladies).

So it's official.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

family.