one down

just took my chemistry final. That class was easy for me, but having put off so much of the work till the end, i was a little screwed. I think i did great on the test, but I turned in a half-finished homework assignment and a half-assed lab report.
Every once in a while I'm reminded that this learning stuff is really hard for some people and I have to remember how lucky I am that things like chemistry are a cakewalk for me.

So. Writing portfolio is turned in.
Chemistry work and final are done.
Tomorrow I sit for a biology final and a calculus final. Our group project will be turned in, and I'm not doing the extra credit even though i might get a c in that class.
I'm way disappointed in myself for my performance in calculus this term, but really I can't sweat it.

Next term biology will be my only truly challenging class, I think.

now I will spend the evening studying for those two finals... and somewhere in there i will go get ice cream god damnit.

xo

i'm so in-my-brain lately.

Today I've been thinking a lot about all the gadgets I have... My graphing calculator. ipod. cell phone. laptop. digital voice recorder.
it gives me a very strange class dysphoria, having all these things.
I don't have the words to go more deeply into this... it's just spinning around.

another thing - the space has been really nice, much needed, very helpful. but... i have to keep reminding myself of that. So i can try not to miss her and dissuade myself from trying to be friends right now. I have to remember some key phrases and that helps, but usually puts me in a mad place. I hate wishing people were different.

i just realized that there's no one in my life i'm really really close to right now. no one who knows everything. no one who i talk to every day. no one who would realize right away if I went missing. I'm finally feeling happy again, in general (however stressed out), but there's this lingering loneliness that's biting my ass. Hard. Romance (or whatever) is fun, but everything in my life seems like it's on such a shallow level right now. I don't really function like that. I function more on the bile level...
I wonder if it will all be different when this term is over; when i have a second to breathe again and can come out of my hole. Or will I just stay in my hole? Shit man.

two things

i got ice cream with peanut butter in it so that dinner would have protein.
I'm serious.

And secondly. Tshirt slogans. I'm obsessed, and here's mine from today:

Let's get together and make a diploid

it's time for bed

on my biology book's website, i keep misreading reading "Sexual life cycles" as "Sexual life styles"... then, what the fuck? oh.
this has happened like twelve times. it's totally bedtime.

prince charming the gardener is picking me up day after tomorrow, but I might meet her tomorrow night.
she's driving down and staying at her sister's. Which is five blocks away.
sweet is not bad. sweet is not bad. sweet is not bad.