So, I have a lot to think about in the coming months. Margot and Ree have expressed a wish for me to stay here.. like, while I'm pregnant. And then after I have the baby, if I'm still in Portland. Now, if I stay in pdx, I''m not going to stay here. but during the pregnancy, ...
There are some issues with this, i guess. Pros and cons.
Some pros:
- rent is practically nothing, and if it's late no one cares
- margot and ree are like family
- I like St. Johns, even though it's really far out.
- Spoon, the dog
- I think I could maybe work out more space with them...
- did I mention it's cheap?
- it works with my under-the-radar-ness.
- there's a washer and dryer
- the shower is locker room style, no tub to step over when preggers (yeah, i'm thinking like that)
Some Cons:
- I don't have a lot of space (but see above)
- My room is in the basement. damp. dark. a little dirty. fucking cold in the winter*
- st. johns is really far out
- common areas tend to be pretty cluttery
- it's very much their house. not mine
- everything of mine is in my room, always
- sometimes margot can be really negative. that's not her fault, but I have to think about the bambino
- I don't feel like I can have people over, really, because it's not my space
*maybe if I painted my room it would be better. I could paint it some nice light/bright colors, instead of the dark blue it is now. There's still the problem of the windows, though... that there are too few of them, that is. and that can't exactly be changed.
So. I don't really know what to do. I feel like, realistically, I'm going to end up moving back east after I have the baby. I think that providence is where I want to be... we'll see when the time comes. I have to think about my education, too. It's weird, but I feel like I just need to get pregnant, and then work everything else out. I know a lot of people disagree with this plan - or lack thereof - but it's what my heart is doing, and I tend to listen to it more than anything else. So if I'm going to move, I may as well stay, right? If I knew I were going to stay in pdx, then I would be more inclined to move out and get somewhat settled somewhere else.
Any thoughts on this are welcome and appreciated.
