charlz_lynn (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
charlz_lynn) wrote2008-03-18 03:41 pm
charlz_lynn) wrote2008-03-18 03:41 pm
i'm so in-my-brain lately.
Today I've been thinking a lot about all the gadgets I have... My graphing calculator. ipod. cell phone. laptop. digital voice recorder.
it gives me a very strange class dysphoria, having all these things.
I don't have the words to go more deeply into this... it's just spinning around.
another thing - the space has been really nice, much needed, very helpful. but... i have to keep reminding myself of that. So i can try not to miss her and dissuade myself from trying to be friends right now. I have to remember some key phrases and that helps, but usually puts me in a mad place. I hate wishing people were different.
i just realized that there's no one in my life i'm really really close to right now. no one who knows everything. no one who i talk to every day. no one who would realize right away if I went missing. I'm finally feeling happy again, in general (however stressed out), but there's this lingering loneliness that's biting my ass. Hard. Romance (or whatever) is fun, but everything in my life seems like it's on such a shallow level right now. I don't really function like that. I function more on the bile level...
I wonder if it will all be different when this term is over; when i have a second to breathe again and can come out of my hole. Or will I just stay in my hole? Shit man.
it gives me a very strange class dysphoria, having all these things.
I don't have the words to go more deeply into this... it's just spinning around.
another thing - the space has been really nice, much needed, very helpful. but... i have to keep reminding myself of that. So i can try not to miss her and dissuade myself from trying to be friends right now. I have to remember some key phrases and that helps, but usually puts me in a mad place. I hate wishing people were different.
i just realized that there's no one in my life i'm really really close to right now. no one who knows everything. no one who i talk to every day. no one who would realize right away if I went missing. I'm finally feeling happy again, in general (however stressed out), but there's this lingering loneliness that's biting my ass. Hard. Romance (or whatever) is fun, but everything in my life seems like it's on such a shallow level right now. I don't really function like that. I function more on the bile level...
I wonder if it will all be different when this term is over; when i have a second to breathe again and can come out of my hole. Or will I just stay in my hole? Shit man.