I'm feeling a little disappointed in myself these last couple days. I've spent so much of my very precious time online, dicking around, internet-cycling. I don't know why I do that. Maybe right now it's because I am SO overwhelmed with schoolwork that I am doing that horrible thing I do and freezing. Finding myself incapable of focusing enough to catch up. With no baby, I could take a day and really focus enough to understand quantum mechanics and conservation of momentum and energy. But right now? It's so difficult. 

At this moment, I'm waiting to be able to take my online quiz again, so I'm not in trouble with myself.

Ugh. I hate these patterns. I hate that I can see them, I can feel them happening, and I know that I have the control to change them. I mean, I have the control to fucking stop eating CHEESE!! You would think I could quit trolling okcupid and write a god damned mini research paper. (Four pages. Including data tables. I could write four pages in sleep. But not, apparently, in my shingles-induced sleep.)

Next term is going to be SO very different. New house, better schedule. Shorter shifts with the babies. More time paying someone to watch Oliver and more time covered to study that is not at night. Night time does not work for me. 9pm may as well be 4am with no substance abuse involved these days.

Ranting. Now I'll stop it.