dream

Sep. 30th, 2009 10:19 am
charlz_lynn: (Default)
In my dream last night a volcano erupted close to here. So close I was taking pictures of lava from a couple feet away to send to my mom. Casey and I were getting thai food when it happened and then she was gone. Suddenly all these people, including me, were being expected to fight... or something. Like a draft with no training, just expectations. (Though there were no authority figures really around.) Just fatigues and drills and other army-type stuff. People rushing around everywhere. I was trying to hide in a closet with my three favorite boxes/suitcases. My sewing box, my toy suitcase, and another suitcase I've never seen that was beautiful. I hid them by the water heater and tucked myself in a closet that was suddenly very active. People were coming in and saying no way would that work -- other people my age who were supposed to be rallying -- the closet was too busy a place. I told them I'm 7 months pregnant, I can't be doing this shit. I cried. I hid.
I woke up to my phone ringing.

Now I have to go get my proof of pregnancy faxed to DHS (because my body's not proof enough) and then I'm picking up a dresser in SE for twenty bucks. I am so excited to finally move in. I'm still living out of boxes and suitcases and my nest is half-finished. I'm so incredibly unsettled that I want to cry when I talk about it. That's been very hard. I need to get some shelves, too... but it's impossible to spend anything on anything when I have no money at all. I keep getting down to three or four bucks before the next tiny bit of money comes from somewhere like the back pain study. It's unnerving. But at least I have health insurace (or I will as of tomorrow) and food stamps. Thank god. Or... Thank Oregon.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
I had a dream last night that I had the baby. BUt she was three months premature. She was still a huge baby, a girl, I named her madeline. But not long into the dream I became convinced that I had actually not given birth yet. My belly was still big, I was still taking pictures of it, and not of the baby. I was still going to have an ultrasound in the next week (which is true in the present, waking reality). Everyone else was saying this is your baby, but i didn't believe them. I loved her, but there was still a baby in me and I wasn't producing milk to feed her because she was born so early -- or not my baby at all. It was all very strange.
When I woke up I was unsure for a minute whether or not I was still pregnant, or if there was a baby nearby I was supposed to be taking care of. I guess this is a pretty normalish pregnancy anxiety dream....

Also, all I ever talk about on here is pregnancy anymore. I'm okay with it, but sorry if it's boring.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
People, the baby is now officially a fetus! As of yesterday, actually. I am so happy about this, and very happy that I have one more month of first trimester which means soon I will (hopefully) have more energy, not feel nauseous all the time, and feel like having sex again regularly. I am also excited about the prospect of showing. My tits have outgrown a lot of my clothes. My one bra that still fits is a barely, but I am going to Nordstrom's soon to get a new one. The first maternity dress that I bought by accident for that wedding two years ago is not-quite holding my boobs. I have cleavage. WEIRD!! And, admittedly, awesome. I feel like I've earned it, cause these bitches hurt!

So, I think I have been pretty clear about the fact that I am super stressed about a job. That's still very true. I need to reign it in because all I can think is that all that stress is going right into my baby. Which makes me feel like I'm being a bad mother already.

Last night I had a dream that we were at Michigan, and we were being attacked. There were buildings there, and five or six of us were in this shack-like thing. Lots of gaps in the boards in the walls... We could see out, people were being chased and killed. Some of us decided to leave when things calmed down, and I was with them. We could tell them, if they stopped us, that I was going into early labor. But I was leaving everything in my tent, leaving behind everything I owned again, and maybe I could come back to it, but maybe not. It was very stressful and sad and scary. I am glad I couldn't tell who was being killed or who was doing the killing, everyone was just a dark figure. Damn.
The next dream i had was about a bowling alley. All the balls and shoes were everywhere and they were weird and vintage. There were also a lot of other random antique/vintage things lying about. Nothing was the right size. People were throwing bowling balls all over the place and I got hit a couple times. It was all just really frustrating.
Needless to say, I slept for shit.

Now I am going to go try and get a job. Wish me luck.

terrifying

Sep. 6th, 2008 09:47 pm
charlz_lynn: (Default)
Last night I had this crazy dream. here are a lot of details I didn't know/understand in the dream, and many more details I have forgotten now. It was one of those, though, that was remembered suddenly in the middle of the day. It jarred me when it came back. I was walking down the street and started thinking "I was struggling really hard recently. And scared. And not in a fun way. It was medical.. what was that? Oh.Right."

I was with a friend, and they had another friend coming in and out of our space. The other friend was small and masculine, my friend was skinny and tallish... Andro-ish female, I think. I didn't trust the other friend. They (the other) were scheming things and trying to pull some things off that were not right. They were just being young and foolish, not malicious. I was trying to keep my distance from friend number two.
Through some accident caused by some part of friend number two's scheming, I lost four of my fingers. Bloody. Mess. The fingers were thrown on ice and we got on our way to the hospital. But the thing is, this young foolish friend didn't realize what was happening. I didn't tell them and neither did my friend. They didn't realize that my fingers were missing and my friend was acting as if everything was normal. I was, too. Being pretty casual even though four of my fingers were on ice and the places where they used to be attached to my hands were bleeding everywhere. The young foolish one thought we were on our way to a party. We were humoring them.

When we got to the doctor it was very strange. The room was large and there were a couple of stretcher-type things in there, with people on them. People acting as if they were well and fully able-bodied, sitting up and jumping down to grab things from their bags and stuff. The doctor came to sew my fingers back on and I was suddely losing it.
The young foolish one finally got the picture of what was happening and started to freak out some, too. But I was really flipping out. I am a pretty tough person, but I was screaming my head off (after having been so calm in the car), and crying, and having a very difficult time sitting still.
Sometime around the third finger I woke up. After two and half fingers worth of stitching and struggling. Very intense.

Any one know about the meanings of amputated fingers in dreams? I'm having a hard time finding anything that makes sense on the internet.
xoxo

dream

Feb. 4th, 2008 09:12 am
charlz_lynn: (baby)
This is the dream I had last night:
My cousin mikey and I were walking, trying to get somewhere (maybe the hospital?), but instead found this abandoned/under construction building. Ranch-style... one floor, spread out.  And then we both gave birth to babies. We weren't in the same room when that part happened.  Then we were trying to get out. He somehow got his baby out, and was trying to climb this wall... Like his kid was transported to wherever it needed to go. I never saw it.  But I still had my baby with me.  It was a boy, and he looked about 8 months old.  Then I told mikey that I didn't know what his first name would be, but his middle name would be David (which is mike's). Then I was breast-feeding, and was suddenly transported back to giving birth.
Except now I was in a multi-story building, and there were other people there, and Mikey was gone. I was in a really dirty bathroom, alone. The bathroom had dirty towels all over the floor, and the urinal was practically touching the toilet. I knew there were others close by. I started having contractions and I stuck my head out and croaked "mom!"  About five minutes later she showed up with a midwife and about 6 of our friends. They had me straddle the toilet, facing the tank, and push the kid out. It was a little bit intense.
That's about when I woke up.
Weird.
charlz_lynn: (Default)
Okay, I have to tell you all about this dream I had last night. Let me begin by saying that I have been going to sleep with headphones on and Jim Dale reading Harry Potter in my ear. I just finished the final book, and have gone back to year one (which, remember, jones burned me. Along with all the rest of the books). There has been a lot of embroidering while listening, also...
Anyway, back to the dream...

I was on some giant campus (not hogwarts, more like the university of toledo), and there was a magic battle taking place. During the span of the dream I had to go from one end of the campus to the other, fighting wizards along the way. My wand was my car key. Still on the key ring with the rest of my keys, but a lovely instrument for channeling my magical powers.
I was moving in and out of buildings, and everything seemed to be taking a very long time, but I knew I needed to get back somewhere and felt like I was struggling and hurrying but nothing would go fast enough.
And the weirdest/funniest part was that I stopped in a greenhouse at some point, and happened to notice a hair growing out of my nipple. It had split at the top into four strands that were sticking straight out, like a flower. So, naturally, I pulled it out, wrapped it around my finger, and used my wand/key to turn it into a ring. Then, throughout the rest of the dream, as I was running, battling, whatevering, I would use my wand to kinda beef up my hairflower ring, eventually turning it into a large, full, black flower, with actual petals. I was a little obsessed with it, constantly checking to make sure it was still okay, and then making it grow more. I don't remember any other details, but it was a pretty fun dream.

Man. I'm a weirdo.
xo

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