charlz_lynn: (flirting)
[personal profile] charlz_lynn

So much to do and all I really want is to sit here, read my book, and smoke joints all day. To be fair, I have had a solid hour of doing just that, and a lovely phone call with HZP, and amazing snuggles with the boy and two dogs. But there are lots of chores. I'm going to get up and do them soon.

This is my last week of restaurant work, and I couldn't be happier. I've made some amazing connections with some of the regulars, the restaurant is running much better due, in large part, to my efforts,Β  and the income was enough to get by on and apply for income based repayment that will allow me to put off making payments on student loans for the next year. The universe is taking care of me, as she always does.

I walked into the cup and saucer for breakfast the day after I decided that applying for jobs online was not going to be the way. It was killing me. It was a phenomenal waste of my time and energy. I decided to get a food service job and wait a little bit. The manager was our server a number of times at the other location, and she now desperately needed to hire servers at this location. I started less than a week later. That was about five months ago. I've gotten two raises and turned down a management position. And I have become friends with the owner - I think we will have a lot to offer each other in this life.

I did apply for a few other jobs, and didn't get even an interview... my resume and cover letter were never read by anyone because I was beaten out at assessment questions, presumably by folks who have done these jobs before, rather than those using education to qualify. Not to mention, everyone is moving here. Everyone is applying for jobs here. It didn't make me feel bad about myself so much as it took away all my hope for a sustainable (maybe even profitable) future within reach. Of course I was down on myself, but working and being really, really good at my job helped. I started casting a wider net, applying for jobs in other states, in southern oregon (trump country), and accepting the reality that we probably can't stay here much longer.

Then, last week, I got an email invitation to teach lab sections at Washington State University's Vancouver campus. 20 minutes away. I said yes right away, but then had to interview because they had sent that invitation to multiple people. The interview was perfect. Perfect. I recognized one woman interviewing me because I'd gone to a seminar she'd given during my undergrad. The man hiring me teaches invertebrate biology (my jam) and knows my advisor, who loves me. It felt so good - my first interview for what I want to do! What I have worked SO hard for andΒ  given so much to. And I got the job. Four lab sections, good pay, really wonderful people, material I love to teach at a level I love teaching it. My gratitude is overwhelming at moments, but that is my only complaint. There are beautiful views of Mount Hood and Mount St. Helens. So. Fucking. Happy.

My Michigan grief is big, but it's buried in deep undercurrents. I can't live in it, like I'm seeing a lot of other folks doing. I understand the comfort in that, but it's not for me. So it cannot drown me, I need to release it in small doses. In the past I would have dealt with this grief by reading other people's sad posts on Facebook and crying for as long as I could let myself. I'm trying to find new ways to do these things.

Anyway. This is my first long post in a long time. I'm trying to isolate a little less. FennΒ  (j's new name) and I need to figure out the balance between her introversion and my extroversion.... how we can both get our needs meet, which seem to be mutually exclusive of one another. Maybe another time I'll talk more about that.

I'm really grateful for this little group of people here. Xo

Date: 2016-08-03 02:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Amazeballs. πŸ”¨πŸŽ›πŸ—œπŸ•―πŸ› πŸŽ‰πŸŽˆπŸ¦‚πŸ¦€
Also ditto on the Michigan thing. I can't even really... No. And being a trans doctor lady person i feel like I can't even be out or real with my feelings outside the bubble which is extra conflictual. Anyways. Lab job! Science nerds for the WIN!! βœ¨πŸ”¬βœ¨

Date: 2016-08-03 04:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm so excited for you!!! In my experience, sometimes you have to be ready to let go and move on in order for the good things to come rolling in. Hugging you hard around the end of Fest. It's freaking hard. ❀️❀️❀️

Date: 2016-08-07 06:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
glad things are on the upswing for you fucker.

you are really good at what you do- being a scientist, a server, a momma- especially a fucker.

i love you.

yeah. the michigan thing is hard. super hard. but everything else in my life is hard right now, so really...missing everyone? par for the course.

i know we will all see each other again. i hold to that.



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